Thursday, May 31, 2012
Surgery update
Well my Dear Hubby's alarm went off at 3am yesterday morning. I just rolled over and groaned. He asked me what time my alarm was set for. I said 4 am. I figured I could get up and be ready to go in 30 minutes! Anyway, we did get up and were on the road by 4:15. I had time to leave a long list for each child and a note to say I loved them!
We were in town an hour before I needed to report at the hospital. I decided we had enough time to do our Walmart run. The list was short, the store empty and I had great help. I love Walmart at 5:30 in the morning, go early, leave happy! So with that item off our list, I reported for surgery at 6:30.
This time I was back at the hospital where my original red flag mammograms were done. It is the preferred facility for my plastic surgeon. I even had my favorite breast cancer survivor nurse to do my IV. She is 3 years post diagnosis and doing well. My regular nurse looked at my veins and said, I'm not touching you, you have little veins. I had warned her to avoid my hands. Every time they start IVs they want to start with my hands and they always have to restart and it's a pain. So this time, i just told them, they were off limits. They went higher and got it the first time and we were all happy. The anesthesia doc was a real character and Dr. N was in fine form as well. I was in surgery by 7:30 and started coming to about 10:30. This hospital even provides their patients with massages. That was nice. I was home about 2:30. I've had some pain, but only did 2 small pain doses yesterday and just regular Tylenol today. It just getting over the anesthesia feeling, so I'm sleepy and take naps willingly! The kids say I'm doing much better than when I came home after my first surgery.
Because of the nipple reconstruction, I'm wearing nipple protectors for the next six weeks, you know, the kind we tried when we were nursing our kids. They are a challenge to get on with the surgical bra and they fill with drainage which can be a mess if I'm not careful. Hopefully the drainage will stop in a couple of days. Dr. N did revise my incisions some, but those I leave alone with steri strips until I see her in two weeks. Anyway,I know that it will look a lot better in 6 weeks than it did this morning!
The house is quiet as DH and Cat Lover went on a business trip once I got home. We played a game last night and I helped Inventor with school. We also had a great teen discussion last night. It's such a joy to listen to their hearts! Today, it's cloudy and rainy, the perfect day to snuggle up with a blanket, a book and cat.
Thanks to everyone for their prayers! I appreciate you so much!
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Here I go Again
Well, May 30 is surgery day. Supposedly it's scheduled for early morning. Hopefully this procedure will be under 2 hours and since it's not horribly invasive like my January surgery, I hope to be headed home by noon. After visiting with the Physician's Assistant last week. I know that I will have incision care for the next 6 weeks, but no drains and I probably won't need a lot of pain meds, there just aren't many nerves functioning in my breast skin any more.
Dr. N will do bilateral nipple reconstruction and tattoo the aerolas in as well. She will also revise the incisions and remove the extra skin left after my last surgery.
Dr. N will do bilateral nipple reconstruction and tattoo the aerolas in as well. She will also revise the incisions and remove the extra skin left after my last surgery.
So how do I feel almost 5 months post-op? Pretty good most of the time!
*I still do not have the stamina that I did last fall. My eyelids close just after 9pm usually and stay that way for a good 8 hours.
*I'm still timid or lack the chest wall strength to do heavy garden/lawn work that involves using chest muscles.
*My chest still feels strange. It will never feel the same and at some point, my mind will hopefully adapt to the new normal. With my mastectomy went all those estrogen receptors that created painful, swollen breasts every month. So while there is no normal sensation in my chest, there also isn't the pain I used to live with.
*About the time we returned from our trip, I noticed the implants had started to settle and created a normal looking inframammary fold at the base of the breast. Dr. N. stitched this in at my mastectomy and it looked strange for the longest time. The stitches have now dissolved and the results look and feel really good.
*I still do not have the stamina that I did last fall. My eyelids close just after 9pm usually and stay that way for a good 8 hours.
*I'm still timid or lack the chest wall strength to do heavy garden/lawn work that involves using chest muscles.
*My chest still feels strange. It will never feel the same and at some point, my mind will hopefully adapt to the new normal. With my mastectomy went all those estrogen receptors that created painful, swollen breasts every month. So while there is no normal sensation in my chest, there also isn't the pain I used to live with.
*About the time we returned from our trip, I noticed the implants had started to settle and created a normal looking inframammary fold at the base of the breast. Dr. N. stitched this in at my mastectomy and it looked strange for the longest time. The stitches have now dissolved and the results look and feel really good.
*That lymph node biopsy site is still pesky. Women who undergo radical mastectomies or have to have large numbers of lymph nodes removed have my great respect! It gets tight, sometimes there is slight swelling or just strange sensations.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Medical update
We returned home two weeks ago from a month long trip. It was nice to warm up a bit in the SW and see family and friends. The trip pushed my endurance at first, but I took advantage of a treadmill and the ability to walk outside without fear of falling. It was a great help. We so appreciated discovering how many people were praying for us, what a powerful blessing prayer is.
Last week was my 12 week follow up appointment with the plastic surgeon Dr. N. I stopped by my oncologists office first as I'd found a lump under my left arm towards the end of our trip. I was pretty sure it was surgery trauma related, but since it was on the cancer side and I've been diagnosed. I reserve the right to be cautious. She checked it and did an ultrasound as well. It's a sernoma, a collection of blood and fluid as the result of surgery. Both of the docs feel it will go away on its own as its not infected.
Dr. N is really happy with the results of my initial reconstruction. At this point, I have options. Do I want larger implants, do I need fat grafting to cover any wrinkles or dimples? Do I need incision revision. What about nipples and areola reconstruction? I looked at Dr. N and said, you are the artist, you tell me what you think I need to put my body into proportion. She decided that I need some incision revision and the nipple/areola cosmetic reconstruction. Hurrah! Nothing major. With surgery scheduled May 30th, I hope to be backpacking the end of June or early July!
Now to lose that 10 pounds. I'd lost 4 before the trip. It came back...now I start over.
How doI describe it?
Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset swiftly fly the years
One season following another laden with happiness and tears.
Lately I find myself contemplating the seasons of marriage. This is a tough post to write, its taken a month for me to tackle the ideas and try to find words to express the thoughts. This is a rough draft!
At the moment I find myself perched on a ridge in time. DH and I are processing in sickness and in health and savoring each extra day of life God has given me to be a wife and mother. On one side of the ridge I watch young people I dearly love seeking God's wisdom in their lives. Some are entering into relationships that will blossom into love and marriage. I remember when life was young, full of promise and marriage vows were spoken, words of commitment...yet untested by time and life circumstances. Then turning, I look in the other direction. Yes, there are those in my life who have faced or are currently facing that phrase, "until death do us part." whether you've been married 1 day or 60 years, those are tough words to speak when life doesn't turn out the way you dreamed or planned. We are dealing with in sickness and in health. I'm supposedly cancer free, BUT we know there is much more to being and staying cancer free than a clean pathology report.
Endurance ...hmmm, that is one character trait necessary for a marriage to survive the peaks and valleys of the marriage vows. But it is only one. A marriage based strictly on commitment or endurance in which the love has died is is but an empty shell. We've seen those kinds of relationships, it's NOT what we want.
One of the commitments we made at the start of this process was that we wanted to be drawn together, by God's grace, we are experiencing that. We are blessed.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Sabbath, a Day of Rest
Every cancer patient needs a break. Almost all health care providers acknowledge that cancer patients need to set aside dealing with cancer occasionally and just enjoy the blessings and fullness of life. For many, cancer is hard work and a full time job when recovering from major surgery or undergoing radiation or chemotherapy treatments.
If thou turn away thy foot from the sabbath, from doing thy pleasure on my holy day; and call the sabbath a delight, the holy of the LORD, honourable; and shalt honour him, not doing thine own ways, nor finding thine own pleasure, nor speaking thine own words:
Then shalt thou delight thyself in the LORD; and I will cause thee to ride upon the high places of the earth, and feed thee with the heritage of Jacob thy father: for the mouth of the LORD hath spoken it. Isaiah 58:13,14
Isaiah 58:13,14 is God's call to me to set aside my work of cancer treatment and recovery and delight myself in the Lord. Unlike most cancer patients, I don't need to grab mental downtime whenever I can, nor am I limited to an hour or two here or there. My Personal Physician prescribes 24 hours every week. It's called "Sabbath" and it begins Friday evening at sundown and closes Saturday evening at sunset. It is the best prescription for coping with cancer ever written. My Physician wrote the original prescription when he created this world.
Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them. And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made. And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made. Genesis 2:1-3
Early in this journey, the Lord impressed upon my heart that Sabbath was to be my day of rest from cancer. For us, those first eight weeks were difficult. I couldn't talk about what was going on without crying and I dislike crying. I had to intentionally take my cancer package and on Friday evening, put it on the top shelf of my mind with a sign that read "Do Not Touch!" That is so hard when your mind is swirling with treatment options, decisions to be made, what ifs, and the emotions of it all. God called to my heart,
Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Psalms 46:10-11
I praise the Lord for friends who knowingly or unknowingly helped us carefully guard the hours of the Sabbath and made it a delight! Those times of fellowship and spiritual refreshment are precious memories for our whole family. We still treasure our Sabbath times and do our best to put cancer and health issues on the shelf unless there is an urgent need to address those issues.
What about those Sabbaths when you are hurting or sick? When it's all you can do to breath and the pain is intense and you're dealing with the side effects of treatment. What do you do then? Christ longed to free those afflicted by disease. Read the story of Jesus healing the woman afflicted by disease for 18 years found Luke 13:10-17. He longs to heal us too!
You won't always be able to ignore cancer on Sabbath, there are physical needs which must be met. I learned that by caring for my physical needs and trying to be prepared before Sabbath allowed me to better focus on the spiritual and mental aspects of Sabbath. I chose to try spending portions of those Sabbaths reading God's Word until I fell asleep (yes, your body needs rest to heal). I enjoyed the occasional visitor as I was able and reveled in the quiet of a home stilled by the Sabbath rest. Beautiful soothing music or scriptures songs created an atmosphere of worship. Harpist playing her harp or the piano lifted my spirit heavenward more than she will ever know. Reading stories to Cat Lover and Rocket helped take my mind off my discomfort and drew our hearts closer together.
Depending on the intensity of your treatment, you may be unable to fellowship with others for extended periods of time. DVDs of your local church sermons or audio recordings may be a blessing. Try to get a friend to help you Skype in during a class or fellowship time if possible. I have a couple of dear friends with whom I started a conference call. We try to talk every couple of months or so. Fellowship is a blessing and you need it! On those really bad days, it may be all you can do to review portions of scripture you have memorized or have a family member or friend read the promises of God to you. Don't be afraid to start your prayer chain seeking God's direct intervention in your particular situation, there can be no better day for others to pray!
My Sabbaths are returning to normal rather quickly. But for those whose journey is much longer than mine. I pray specifically each week that you will experience the Sabbath blessings the Lord has for you.
If thou turn away thy foot from the sabbath, from doing thy pleasure on my holy day; and call the sabbath a delight, the holy of the LORD, honourable; and shalt honour him, not doing thine own ways, nor finding thine own pleasure, nor speaking thine own words:
Then shalt thou delight thyself in the LORD; and I will cause thee to ride upon the high places of the earth, and feed thee with the heritage of Jacob thy father: for the mouth of the LORD hath spoken it. Isaiah 58:13,14
Isaiah 58:13,14 is God's call to me to set aside my work of cancer treatment and recovery and delight myself in the Lord. Unlike most cancer patients, I don't need to grab mental downtime whenever I can, nor am I limited to an hour or two here or there. My Personal Physician prescribes 24 hours every week. It's called "Sabbath" and it begins Friday evening at sundown and closes Saturday evening at sunset. It is the best prescription for coping with cancer ever written. My Physician wrote the original prescription when he created this world.
Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them. And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made. And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made. Genesis 2:1-3
Early in this journey, the Lord impressed upon my heart that Sabbath was to be my day of rest from cancer. For us, those first eight weeks were difficult. I couldn't talk about what was going on without crying and I dislike crying. I had to intentionally take my cancer package and on Friday evening, put it on the top shelf of my mind with a sign that read "Do Not Touch!" That is so hard when your mind is swirling with treatment options, decisions to be made, what ifs, and the emotions of it all. God called to my heart,
Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Psalms 46:10-11
I praise the Lord for friends who knowingly or unknowingly helped us carefully guard the hours of the Sabbath and made it a delight! Those times of fellowship and spiritual refreshment are precious memories for our whole family. We still treasure our Sabbath times and do our best to put cancer and health issues on the shelf unless there is an urgent need to address those issues.
What about those Sabbaths when you are hurting or sick? When it's all you can do to breath and the pain is intense and you're dealing with the side effects of treatment. What do you do then? Christ longed to free those afflicted by disease. Read the story of Jesus healing the woman afflicted by disease for 18 years found Luke 13:10-17. He longs to heal us too!
You won't always be able to ignore cancer on Sabbath, there are physical needs which must be met. I learned that by caring for my physical needs and trying to be prepared before Sabbath allowed me to better focus on the spiritual and mental aspects of Sabbath. I chose to try spending portions of those Sabbaths reading God's Word until I fell asleep (yes, your body needs rest to heal). I enjoyed the occasional visitor as I was able and reveled in the quiet of a home stilled by the Sabbath rest. Beautiful soothing music or scriptures songs created an atmosphere of worship. Harpist playing her harp or the piano lifted my spirit heavenward more than she will ever know. Reading stories to Cat Lover and Rocket helped take my mind off my discomfort and drew our hearts closer together.
Depending on the intensity of your treatment, you may be unable to fellowship with others for extended periods of time. DVDs of your local church sermons or audio recordings may be a blessing. Try to get a friend to help you Skype in during a class or fellowship time if possible. I have a couple of dear friends with whom I started a conference call. We try to talk every couple of months or so. Fellowship is a blessing and you need it! On those really bad days, it may be all you can do to review portions of scripture you have memorized or have a family member or friend read the promises of God to you. Don't be afraid to start your prayer chain seeking God's direct intervention in your particular situation, there can be no better day for others to pray!
My Sabbaths are returning to normal rather quickly. But for those whose journey is much longer than mine. I pray specifically each week that you will experience the Sabbath blessings the Lord has for you.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Cancer Break
Well I'm enjoying my freedom for a few weeks and looking forward to our trip south. We spent part of this week with Grandparents and extended family a few hours away. When we returned, it seemed spring decided to show up early. Even our resident moose greeted us. Last evening Cat Lover stood on the garage roof and howled up a wolf pack. Yes, it seems they liked his deepening voice. We could distinctly hear their different voices answer his call from somewhere in our valley.
I was reminded to be careful this week as I managed to pull a muscle lying on my side reading a book. How's that for hurtingnyourself while doing nothing? It felt like one of my incisions totally burst open. We won't do that again for awhile. Scar tissue is now my medical issue, that pesky lymph node biopsy site needs to be stretched and massaged daily. It feels like the tissue is in knots. My cousin, who is a hand therapist, told me that scar tissue takes 2 years to mature. If I want those knots to go away, I'll be stretching and massaging for a long time. While one incision is in knots, the others are doing well. After a surgery like this, the tissue is very traumatized and swells, it is also very firm and not the soft natural feel you'd expect from breast tissue. Dr. N. told me the tissue would eventually soften and its finally starting to happen.
I also tried to schedule an appointment to see a physician regarding natural cancer therapies and followup. He called me back today and gave me the info I needed on the phone. Praise the Lord for Christian physicians who still consider themselves medical missionaries. We deeply appreciate his kindness.
Yes, I'm using this quiet time to further research my natural remedy options. If I was dealing with just the breast cancer it would be easier, but this is becoming a puzzle given my family history and a couple of other nagging issues. I pray for wisdom to identify the best course for me to pursue. That's the challenge of medical issues, you often can not see the full view of what needs to be addressed. But praise God, He does!
I was reminded to be careful this week as I managed to pull a muscle lying on my side reading a book. How's that for hurtingnyourself while doing nothing? It felt like one of my incisions totally burst open. We won't do that again for awhile. Scar tissue is now my medical issue, that pesky lymph node biopsy site needs to be stretched and massaged daily. It feels like the tissue is in knots. My cousin, who is a hand therapist, told me that scar tissue takes 2 years to mature. If I want those knots to go away, I'll be stretching and massaging for a long time. While one incision is in knots, the others are doing well. After a surgery like this, the tissue is very traumatized and swells, it is also very firm and not the soft natural feel you'd expect from breast tissue. Dr. N. told me the tissue would eventually soften and its finally starting to happen.
I also tried to schedule an appointment to see a physician regarding natural cancer therapies and followup. He called me back today and gave me the info I needed on the phone. Praise the Lord for Christian physicians who still consider themselves medical missionaries. We deeply appreciate his kindness.
Yes, I'm using this quiet time to further research my natural remedy options. If I was dealing with just the breast cancer it would be easier, but this is becoming a puzzle given my family history and a couple of other nagging issues. I pray for wisdom to identify the best course for me to pursue. That's the challenge of medical issues, you often can not see the full view of what needs to be addressed. But praise God, He does!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Living Breath by Breath
Recently I relistened to a message that always resets my image of God and who He is and where I live. (Louie Giglio, "How Great is Our God"). After hearing it twice in the space of a couple of weeks, the following insight dawned on me. Here is an excerpt of what I wrote and have shared with some of you who walk this road with me.
Is 40:27-31 is a promise that I specifically claim for those of us who walk this road called cancer. Just remember that whatever your life crisis, God's promise is for you, too.
"Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the LORD, and my judgment is passed over from my God? Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."
I had always viewed that last verse as Christ's victorious promise of restoration at his second coming, when our wait will be over. But Louie explained that the Hebrew in this text gives the connotation that the renewal of strength is breath by breath. My thoughts went to my own cancer experience and the experience of others whose journey is much more difficult. I realized that when you think you can't go on, God gives you strength to take that next breath (diagnosis)...
and the next one (telling family and friends)....
and the next one (emergency treatment or more tests)...
and the next one (making decisions)...
and the next one (surgery) ....
and the next one (recovery)...
And the next one (followup treatment, radiation, and chemo)...
And the next one (dealing with cancer mentally)
and the next one to live for him in spite everything that comes your way.
This living, breath by painful breath, totally dependent on the strength of the Lord becomes a new song that we, marred by cancer, may sing each step of our unique journey for our Creator.
Is 40:27-31 is a promise that I specifically claim for those of us who walk this road called cancer. Just remember that whatever your life crisis, God's promise is for you, too.
"Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the LORD, and my judgment is passed over from my God? Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."
I had always viewed that last verse as Christ's victorious promise of restoration at his second coming, when our wait will be over. But Louie explained that the Hebrew in this text gives the connotation that the renewal of strength is breath by breath. My thoughts went to my own cancer experience and the experience of others whose journey is much more difficult. I realized that when you think you can't go on, God gives you strength to take that next breath (diagnosis)...
and the next one (telling family and friends)....
and the next one (emergency treatment or more tests)...
and the next one (making decisions)...
and the next one (surgery) ....
and the next one (recovery)...
And the next one (followup treatment, radiation, and chemo)...
And the next one (dealing with cancer mentally)
and the next one to live for him in spite everything that comes your way.
This living, breath by painful breath, totally dependent on the strength of the Lord becomes a new song that we, marred by cancer, may sing each step of our unique journey for our Creator.
Friday, February 24, 2012
The Doc Report
This week was Appointment Week yet again. Inventor took me down, as DH had travelled the road on Monday and found it challenging. No one wanted me to overdo. It was a wise decision. The 10 mile stretch through the canyon was inundated with snow. When we pulled over to take some pictures, the snow on the road was up to the headlights of the 4WD.
My plastic surgeon's office is delighted with my recovery. They dropped all restrictions and gave me the green light to do whatever I want, so long it doesn't hurt, for the next six weeks. Hooray! I will see them the middle of April and my second OP surgery will be schedule at that time. Then it will be six more weeks of Silvadene creme and dressings. Hopefully that will all be done by Harpist's birthday backpack trip. She's planning a 24 mile weekend adventure I fear.
Dr. T, my naturopath, is happy with what I'm doing, after reviewing everything she's recommended some additional items to keep in my cancer fighting arsenal. Which means more research for me.
The garlic and honey continues to flow. Inventor says to tell our MI friends their experiment really works. The house REEEEKS. I've declared all raw garlic off limits tomorrow as church is going to be here. Cat Lover and Rocket are well on the recovery road. Harpist is using peppermint poultices on her face and charcoal poultices on her ears. They seem to be helping more than meds. I've threated to take her picture, but she gives me that look. The cats love her peppermint poultices so much she made each of them a mint pillow. You'd have thought we'd given them catnip. It's been hilarious to watch.
Since I have a six week break, I've decided to use it to focus on postings more reflective in nature and to update portions of other pages on this blog. Look for a weekly posting on some aspect of this process. DH and I originally decided to start this blog so everyone who wanted an update could get one easily. It has worked so well! It's also been therapy for me. Thank you for reading my therapy.
My plastic surgeon's office is delighted with my recovery. They dropped all restrictions and gave me the green light to do whatever I want, so long it doesn't hurt, for the next six weeks. Hooray! I will see them the middle of April and my second OP surgery will be schedule at that time. Then it will be six more weeks of Silvadene creme and dressings. Hopefully that will all be done by Harpist's birthday backpack trip. She's planning a 24 mile weekend adventure I fear.
Dr. T, my naturopath, is happy with what I'm doing, after reviewing everything she's recommended some additional items to keep in my cancer fighting arsenal. Which means more research for me.
The garlic and honey continues to flow. Inventor says to tell our MI friends their experiment really works. The house REEEEKS. I've declared all raw garlic off limits tomorrow as church is going to be here. Cat Lover and Rocket are well on the recovery road. Harpist is using peppermint poultices on her face and charcoal poultices on her ears. They seem to be helping more than meds. I've threated to take her picture, but she gives me that look. The cats love her peppermint poultices so much she made each of them a mint pillow. You'd have thought we'd given them catnip. It's been hilarious to watch.
Since I have a six week break, I've decided to use it to focus on postings more reflective in nature and to update portions of other pages on this blog. Look for a weekly posting on some aspect of this process. DH and I originally decided to start this blog so everyone who wanted an update could get one easily. It has worked so well! It's also been therapy for me. Thank you for reading my therapy.
Silver Linings
Cancer is a club no one wants to join, but when you drafted for membership, you find you're in pretty good company!
A friend with significant cancer experience emailed to tell me my hunch about cancer was correct. Once you've been diagnosed, life is different. I'm blessed, cancer means a changed body and future vigilance. For others it lurks around the corners of life in different ways. For one family member it is living daily with a cancer that must be monitored much like diabetes to see if medical intervention is needed. Try planning the next 6 months of your schedule with that always hanging over your head. Every time she gets the phone call with good test results, it means two more months of freedom. For another family member, it is one round of maintenance treatment after another, pushing cancer back so life can go on a little longer, at some point, the treatment options may run out. For you it might be a very valid fear of recurrence. For a friend it might be the struggle with residual effects of treatment on other body systems. Others lose the support of close family and friends who couldn't handle their cancer diagnosis. There may be financial or career challenges that linger for years. For any of us, it's the follow up appointments. It's having to write that 6 letter word on insurance applications and medical history questionnaires. It's remembering all over again when you learn someone else has been diagnosed. Yes, I'm realizing, there are lots of ways cancer hangs around.
From personal observation, cancer patients aren't the only people who deal with long term affects ask anyone who's been through any significant medical, physical or emotional trauma. Change the disease or event and modify the impact statement.
So what intangible "gifts" does a lurking, unpredictable disease with over 200 different identities bring? Are there silver linings? From personal observation and reading the experiences of others, the answer is usually a resounding YES. I've learned in life, a person with hope, even in the most wretched situation, will find some thread of gold.
Hope, what kind of gift is that? Hope is necessary for survival. There's plenty of research to back it up. Cancer brings hope front and center. As a patient, you must confront your hopes in light of your unique situation. Be honest! We all want a "cure", but for many there is no 100% cure. We are not fixing electronics or in the auto repair shop, it's the human body and a lurking disease. Productive hope recognizes the realities of the present and identifies realistic expectations. In my case, I may reasonably hope for total removal of cancer. In your case, you may hope for remission to resume your normal activities for an extended period. Or if you are in the midst of chemo, you may hope for a good weekend with blood counts high enough to enjoy a gathering of family or friends.
New spiritual lessons and insights from the Word of God. I crave my quiet time with my maker like never before. I need His strength for each day, every child, my DH and each decision I make.
The power of prayer, not so much for physical healing, but for healing in other aspects of my life and relationships. I've long recognized that a simple prayer for physical healing, while nice, may not give God enough latitude to work, God wants to heal more than my physical body, He wants to heal me in a thousand other ways as well. I realized I could seek physical healing alone, or I could allow God to work an even greater miracle in my life, yes through the vehicle of cancer. There is a beautiful quote I found that has become precious to me.
"In the full light of day, and in hearing of the music of other voices, the caged bird will not sing the song that his master seeks to teach him. He learns a snatch of this, a trill of that, but never a separate and entire melody. But the master covers the cage, and places it where the bird will listen to the one song he is to sing. In the dark, he tries and tries again to sing that song until it is learned, and he breaks forth in perfect melody. Then the bird is brought forth, and ever after he can sing that song in the light. Thus God deals with His children. He has a song to teach us, and when we have learned it amid the shadows of affliction we can sing it ever afterward." – {HDL 10.3} Ellen White
The blessing of quiet. It is easy to be unnerved by quiet, particularly when dealing with something new and scary. Like a marathon runner, many cancer patients often hear a lot of cheering at the beginning, particular milestones on the way and maybe at the end. Often when you run the cancer race, by the time you get to the finish line, many onlookers have tired of waiting and moved on. If you are the type who always needs noise around you and someone to need you, it may be hard to appreciate the blessing of quiet. Quiet allows time to reassess what is important. Quiet allows time to take care of your self. Quiet allows the noise to settle so you can appreciate the ordinary, a flock of birds, a child's smile, a simple note, reading a book. Oh how I have enjoyed this blessing! Thank you to those who have shouldered my share of the load these past two months so I could learn to truly appreciate the quiet. With my Type A personality, I really needed this blessing.
Appreciation for the here and now. There's a song that I like which says,
"We have this moment to hold in our hands and to touch
As it sifts through our fingers like sand.
Yesterday's gone and tomorrow may never come,
But we have this moment today."
Cancer resets your long term thinking, it brings the present into sharp focus for those far sighted types who always look for the joy in the future. Take joy in the here and now.
A worldview that gives me a framework to understand the big picture of cancer and allows me to read as Paul Harvey used to say, "the rest of the story". I and others who share this worldview can walk this road without anger and bitterness, or fear of the future for we've read the last chapter. What comfort that is to my heart. That is peace.
I do not assume that my readers believe in God. WHY would anyone believe in a loving God who allows _____________ ? That, my friends, is a fair question, but only if you are willing to listen for an answer. I'm contemplating this, life changing events give you a new perspective on the "dry facts". Hmmm I feel another essay coming.
A friend with significant cancer experience emailed to tell me my hunch about cancer was correct. Once you've been diagnosed, life is different. I'm blessed, cancer means a changed body and future vigilance. For others it lurks around the corners of life in different ways. For one family member it is living daily with a cancer that must be monitored much like diabetes to see if medical intervention is needed. Try planning the next 6 months of your schedule with that always hanging over your head. Every time she gets the phone call with good test results, it means two more months of freedom. For another family member, it is one round of maintenance treatment after another, pushing cancer back so life can go on a little longer, at some point, the treatment options may run out. For you it might be a very valid fear of recurrence. For a friend it might be the struggle with residual effects of treatment on other body systems. Others lose the support of close family and friends who couldn't handle their cancer diagnosis. There may be financial or career challenges that linger for years. For any of us, it's the follow up appointments. It's having to write that 6 letter word on insurance applications and medical history questionnaires. It's remembering all over again when you learn someone else has been diagnosed. Yes, I'm realizing, there are lots of ways cancer hangs around.
From personal observation, cancer patients aren't the only people who deal with long term affects ask anyone who's been through any significant medical, physical or emotional trauma. Change the disease or event and modify the impact statement.
So what intangible "gifts" does a lurking, unpredictable disease with over 200 different identities bring? Are there silver linings? From personal observation and reading the experiences of others, the answer is usually a resounding YES. I've learned in life, a person with hope, even in the most wretched situation, will find some thread of gold.
Hope, what kind of gift is that? Hope is necessary for survival. There's plenty of research to back it up. Cancer brings hope front and center. As a patient, you must confront your hopes in light of your unique situation. Be honest! We all want a "cure", but for many there is no 100% cure. We are not fixing electronics or in the auto repair shop, it's the human body and a lurking disease. Productive hope recognizes the realities of the present and identifies realistic expectations. In my case, I may reasonably hope for total removal of cancer. In your case, you may hope for remission to resume your normal activities for an extended period. Or if you are in the midst of chemo, you may hope for a good weekend with blood counts high enough to enjoy a gathering of family or friends.
New spiritual lessons and insights from the Word of God. I crave my quiet time with my maker like never before. I need His strength for each day, every child, my DH and each decision I make.
The power of prayer, not so much for physical healing, but for healing in other aspects of my life and relationships. I've long recognized that a simple prayer for physical healing, while nice, may not give God enough latitude to work, God wants to heal more than my physical body, He wants to heal me in a thousand other ways as well. I realized I could seek physical healing alone, or I could allow God to work an even greater miracle in my life, yes through the vehicle of cancer. There is a beautiful quote I found that has become precious to me.
"In the full light of day, and in hearing of the music of other voices, the caged bird will not sing the song that his master seeks to teach him. He learns a snatch of this, a trill of that, but never a separate and entire melody. But the master covers the cage, and places it where the bird will listen to the one song he is to sing. In the dark, he tries and tries again to sing that song until it is learned, and he breaks forth in perfect melody. Then the bird is brought forth, and ever after he can sing that song in the light. Thus God deals with His children. He has a song to teach us, and when we have learned it amid the shadows of affliction we can sing it ever afterward." – {HDL 10.3} Ellen White
The blessing of quiet. It is easy to be unnerved by quiet, particularly when dealing with something new and scary. Like a marathon runner, many cancer patients often hear a lot of cheering at the beginning, particular milestones on the way and maybe at the end. Often when you run the cancer race, by the time you get to the finish line, many onlookers have tired of waiting and moved on. If you are the type who always needs noise around you and someone to need you, it may be hard to appreciate the blessing of quiet. Quiet allows time to reassess what is important. Quiet allows time to take care of your self. Quiet allows the noise to settle so you can appreciate the ordinary, a flock of birds, a child's smile, a simple note, reading a book. Oh how I have enjoyed this blessing! Thank you to those who have shouldered my share of the load these past two months so I could learn to truly appreciate the quiet. With my Type A personality, I really needed this blessing.
Appreciation for the here and now. There's a song that I like which says,
"We have this moment to hold in our hands and to touch
As it sifts through our fingers like sand.
Yesterday's gone and tomorrow may never come,
But we have this moment today."
Cancer resets your long term thinking, it brings the present into sharp focus for those far sighted types who always look for the joy in the future. Take joy in the here and now.
A worldview that gives me a framework to understand the big picture of cancer and allows me to read as Paul Harvey used to say, "the rest of the story". I and others who share this worldview can walk this road without anger and bitterness, or fear of the future for we've read the last chapter. What comfort that is to my heart. That is peace.
I do not assume that my readers believe in God. WHY would anyone believe in a loving God who allows _____________ ? That, my friends, is a fair question, but only if you are willing to listen for an answer. I'm contemplating this, life changing events give you a new perspective on the "dry facts". Hmmm I feel another essay coming.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Cabin Fever, Elephants and more healing
It is snowing again, yesterday (Sabbath) we enjoyed intermittent heavy snow and beautiful sunshine. We planned to spend the day worshiping with our dear church family across the mountains. Alas, Cat Lover's bug proved contagious to Harpist and Rocket. So with three hacking, wheezing, low energy children, we decided not to reintroduce the bug to the general population. Many thanks to our friends for being realistic about when we'd truly be back at church. I tend to be too optimistic when major things come along.
It seems my only malady at the moment is a growing case of cabin fever. A town day this week with three doc appointments should fix that and send me scurrying for home. Since there is a town day this week, today is a school day. Given all the interruptions this school year, it is amazing the progress some of the children are making. We are doing school every day possible during this quiet lull. The quiet ends Tuesday and life starts to pick up steam according to our family calendar. Every quiet day we get from now to the middle of April is to be cherished.
In the mail Friday, came a package from someone DH talks about frequently, but whom I've never met. It contained a sweet note and a book written by a friend of hers. If you are a cancer patient, family member or have a friend with cancer, I recommend this book. Titled, The Elephant in the Room (Bob Riter) it is a down to earth, practical book about dealing with cancer. I've laughed, cried and said "that is so true" all at the same time. Bob writes from the dual perspective of cancer patient and cancer patient advocate. It's a unique combination that adds perspective to the journey.
Some more portions of life are returning to normal. My range of motion is probably close to 100%. My energy level allows routine daily activities as long as I do not put to many of them in one day. For those who know me well, this is highly unusual behavior. I love to find my limits and then stttrrreeetttcccchhhh them. Not this time. Inventor told me the other day I was becoming more "laid back". I actually took it as a complement!
The swelling under my arms and over the implants continues to decrease. My arms say they are tired of sticking out at odd angles to accommodate swelling, but the mirror doesn't totally agree with their assessment. My arm regular arm exercises provide the most relief.
Speaking of sensation observations, my chest skin is mostly numb. This was expected, but nonetheless must be dealt with. In some areas I can feel touch, but in most areas all I can discern is pressure. It is the same under my left arm where the lymph node biopsy was done. At least the shooting nerve pains are now few and far between and the muscle spasms are dying down. A cancer sister who is year ahead of me says more changes and sensations are to come. My left incision finally stopped draining, which means the incision is fully closed now. I think those pesky 5 inch incisions look really good, you'd probably disagree. But I compared them to the pics from the week of surgery, and trust me, they look great! The two incisions I'm not so happy about are the lymph node biopsy site and one of the drainage tube sites. I'll see what Dr. N has to say about them. She'll probably tell me to be patient. (Not one of my better virtues.)
A friend motivated me to get started on the nutritional aspect of my cancer follow up this week. I look forward to sharing more ideas with her. I've also been given the green light (by my doc) to take off a little more weight. I even have a deadline! Thanks to the friend who pointed me to a safe and healthy way I can do that weight loss without interfering with my healing.
I am now walking the children 2 times a day and DH is usually walking me in the evenings. The purpose of his walk is to improve my endurance. We also enjoy the talk time, the quiet snowy road and just the chance to hold hands. Cancer brings a deeper appreciation for enjoying the journey and not just looking forward to the destination. Hmmm...that thought might become an essay.
It seems my only malady at the moment is a growing case of cabin fever. A town day this week with three doc appointments should fix that and send me scurrying for home. Since there is a town day this week, today is a school day. Given all the interruptions this school year, it is amazing the progress some of the children are making. We are doing school every day possible during this quiet lull. The quiet ends Tuesday and life starts to pick up steam according to our family calendar. Every quiet day we get from now to the middle of April is to be cherished.
In the mail Friday, came a package from someone DH talks about frequently, but whom I've never met. It contained a sweet note and a book written by a friend of hers. If you are a cancer patient, family member or have a friend with cancer, I recommend this book. Titled, The Elephant in the Room (Bob Riter) it is a down to earth, practical book about dealing with cancer. I've laughed, cried and said "that is so true" all at the same time. Bob writes from the dual perspective of cancer patient and cancer patient advocate. It's a unique combination that adds perspective to the journey.
Some more portions of life are returning to normal. My range of motion is probably close to 100%. My energy level allows routine daily activities as long as I do not put to many of them in one day. For those who know me well, this is highly unusual behavior. I love to find my limits and then stttrrreeetttcccchhhh them. Not this time. Inventor told me the other day I was becoming more "laid back". I actually took it as a complement!
The swelling under my arms and over the implants continues to decrease. My arms say they are tired of sticking out at odd angles to accommodate swelling, but the mirror doesn't totally agree with their assessment. My arm regular arm exercises provide the most relief.
Speaking of sensation observations, my chest skin is mostly numb. This was expected, but nonetheless must be dealt with. In some areas I can feel touch, but in most areas all I can discern is pressure. It is the same under my left arm where the lymph node biopsy was done. At least the shooting nerve pains are now few and far between and the muscle spasms are dying down. A cancer sister who is year ahead of me says more changes and sensations are to come. My left incision finally stopped draining, which means the incision is fully closed now. I think those pesky 5 inch incisions look really good, you'd probably disagree. But I compared them to the pics from the week of surgery, and trust me, they look great! The two incisions I'm not so happy about are the lymph node biopsy site and one of the drainage tube sites. I'll see what Dr. N has to say about them. She'll probably tell me to be patient. (Not one of my better virtues.)
A friend motivated me to get started on the nutritional aspect of my cancer follow up this week. I look forward to sharing more ideas with her. I've also been given the green light (by my doc) to take off a little more weight. I even have a deadline! Thanks to the friend who pointed me to a safe and healthy way I can do that weight loss without interfering with my healing.
I am now walking the children 2 times a day and DH is usually walking me in the evenings. The purpose of his walk is to improve my endurance. We also enjoy the talk time, the quiet snowy road and just the chance to hold hands. Cancer brings a deeper appreciation for enjoying the journey and not just looking forward to the destination. Hmmm...that thought might become an essay.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Mom on Duty
One of our biggest blessings this winter is good health (other than I flunked my physical last fall). Staying healthy involves every member of the family particularly when you live in close quarters and someone needs to have major surgery with all the accompanying risks.
Inventor had a touch of a cold the week of Christmas. He downed so much raw garlic I couldn't stand to be in the same room with him. Then we had an ambulance run with Grandpa, and the 5 hour drive to take them home, once the docs released him to travel. Inventor, myself, Grandpa and Grandma crammed into the cab of their pickup. Oh let me tell you it reeked. But it worked, he fought off his cold and praise the Lord, neither of us picked up anything on the train ride home with people hacking and wheezing all around us. The rest of the children and DH do their best to stay healthy, garlic, vitamins, fruit and green veggies and mostly avoiding sugar. A month of mostly self imposed isolation in our valley didn't hurt either.
But 3:30 Sabbath morning, Rocket sounded the alarm. MOM! Cat Lover is sick! Bleary eyed, Dh and I rolled out bed. Rocket led me to his brother's bedside, excitedly reviewing all the symptoms he'd observed. Sure enough, chills, sore throat, temp of 101.5, and raspy breathing. Rocket roused Inventor and Harpist from their slumbers and pressed them into service. I requested boiling water of Harpist, a tent design from Inventor, and extra blankets and the heating pad from Rocket. Such assistence at 3 am I never had when they were little! After doing all we could to make our patient comfortable, I commandeered Rocket's bed next to the patient and sent him back to bed with DH. Not so much because of the patient's condition, but unless I did, none of us would get any sleep. Rocket would provide "play by play" analysis until dawn if I left him at his post of duty.
As I carefully climbed into Rocket's bed, I thanked the Lord this hadn't happened sooner. At least I'm at a place recovery wise where I can at direct care for others. (Fevers and stomach flu are my specialities,DH handles blood and guts.) Cat Lover will recover this week and hopefully no one else will pick up his bug.
DH sent me to church at the neighbor's while he spent a quiet Sabbath home with Cat Lover. It was a silver lining on a gray cloud for both of us. He needed a quiet day for reflection as he was very tired while the children and I needed the fellowship of dear friends and believers to recharge. We all were blessed. DH and I even got our evening walk in together.
Sabbaths and town days still wear me out though. My body said NO MORE today. Two walks and two loads of laundry did me in. The recliner called and I answered. I'm not complaining, just coming to grips with the fact that my body is taking its own sweet time to heal. Thankfully, my family and friends graciously accomodate my reduced activity tolerance.ord choose to be grateful for the opportunity to view life from a different perspective. It helps me appreciate the path of those who suffer more than I. So take advantage of unwanted learning opportunities when they come your way. Choose to find the silver lining in the midst of worry, physical limitations and frustrations, it won't remove the bumps in the road, but it can add a little cushion to them.
And yes, the place reeks of raw garlic. The other three children are consuming even larger quantities regularly. Clothespin please.
Inventor had a touch of a cold the week of Christmas. He downed so much raw garlic I couldn't stand to be in the same room with him. Then we had an ambulance run with Grandpa, and the 5 hour drive to take them home, once the docs released him to travel. Inventor, myself, Grandpa and Grandma crammed into the cab of their pickup. Oh let me tell you it reeked. But it worked, he fought off his cold and praise the Lord, neither of us picked up anything on the train ride home with people hacking and wheezing all around us. The rest of the children and DH do their best to stay healthy, garlic, vitamins, fruit and green veggies and mostly avoiding sugar. A month of mostly self imposed isolation in our valley didn't hurt either.
But 3:30 Sabbath morning, Rocket sounded the alarm. MOM! Cat Lover is sick! Bleary eyed, Dh and I rolled out bed. Rocket led me to his brother's bedside, excitedly reviewing all the symptoms he'd observed. Sure enough, chills, sore throat, temp of 101.5, and raspy breathing. Rocket roused Inventor and Harpist from their slumbers and pressed them into service. I requested boiling water of Harpist, a tent design from Inventor, and extra blankets and the heating pad from Rocket. Such assistence at 3 am I never had when they were little! After doing all we could to make our patient comfortable, I commandeered Rocket's bed next to the patient and sent him back to bed with DH. Not so much because of the patient's condition, but unless I did, none of us would get any sleep. Rocket would provide "play by play" analysis until dawn if I left him at his post of duty.
As I carefully climbed into Rocket's bed, I thanked the Lord this hadn't happened sooner. At least I'm at a place recovery wise where I can at direct care for others. (Fevers and stomach flu are my specialities,DH handles blood and guts.) Cat Lover will recover this week and hopefully no one else will pick up his bug.
DH sent me to church at the neighbor's while he spent a quiet Sabbath home with Cat Lover. It was a silver lining on a gray cloud for both of us. He needed a quiet day for reflection as he was very tired while the children and I needed the fellowship of dear friends and believers to recharge. We all were blessed. DH and I even got our evening walk in together.
Sabbaths and town days still wear me out though. My body said NO MORE today. Two walks and two loads of laundry did me in. The recliner called and I answered. I'm not complaining, just coming to grips with the fact that my body is taking its own sweet time to heal. Thankfully, my family and friends graciously accomodate my reduced activity tolerance.ord choose to be grateful for the opportunity to view life from a different perspective. It helps me appreciate the path of those who suffer more than I. So take advantage of unwanted learning opportunities when they come your way. Choose to find the silver lining in the midst of worry, physical limitations and frustrations, it won't remove the bumps in the road, but it can add a little cushion to them.
And yes, the place reeks of raw garlic. The other three children are consuming even larger quantities regularly. Clothespin please.
Friday, February 10, 2012
A Happily Boring Week
After recovering from last weekend's outing, we gratefully stayed home. Traveling to town multiple times almost every week for 2 1/2 months gets old quickly. Recovery continues to go well. Regular exercise reduces my swelling under the arms an added benefit of regaining mobility. Twelve weeks of exercises should improve my upper arms too! I've still had some discharge from a portion of one incision. After a careful review of my instructions, I called Dr. Ns office today. The PA is wonderful, I emailed pics and she told me there is one small area where the skin is still not completely closed. You would probably think my incisions look terrible, but she thinks they look great and I agree, after all the other clinical photos I've seen. Whew, even though I didn't have classic symptoms, we were both concerned about infection. Thank You Lord!
I'm enjoying 2-3 walks a day. Different ones take me for my exercise and it's fun to look for animal tracks. So far this week,we've seen moose, coyote, rabbit and mountain lion track on the driveway. DH and I enjoy walking together at the end of a day. We return home about sunset and if it's clear, we take in gorgeous views of the mountains across the valley. Making time for these walks is well worth it!
Cancer, if you let it, helps you savor the moments you have. I am blessed with a good outcome today. I'm told my tomorrows look bright. I do not take my future for granted. Cancer is UGLY, just in case you hadn't heard. We have family and friends who walk this road, some will live to tell their stories,for others the path is less clear. None of us knows what tomorrow holds. DH and I each lost a member of our family this week. It's a time for reflection, a time to make life special for others, to brighten the journey of one who struggles.
I appreciate the little things more, an email from a friend, a note,a smile, sweet helpfulness, a great memory, a good laugh. I'm also reprioritizing my days, mornings are spent in the recliner. It's the time for tutoring the math challenges faced by Inventor, or grading a pile of writing assignments from Harpist brings a quiet joy. Rocket requuires assistance with reading and english as he squirms and bounces on the sofa beside me. Cat Lover needs the proverbial "kick in the seat of his pants" to do his English. Together, we discovered the wonders of Komodo Island with its pink beaches and huge dragon lizards. I'm contemplating ways to make English and Grammar 3 dimensional for boy minds. HMMM. As Cat Lover was bemoaning the parts of speech, we pulled put the Legos and illustrated the importance of having more than one type of block, particularly if you wish to build something interesting...like a cherry picker.
The work is getting done without me. Rocket loves to be in charge, what better way to do that than to authoritatively order Harpist out of the kitchen so he could be in charge of fixing lunch. Not bad for a nine year old. Harpist appreciates the assistance, but is a tad leery of turning the reins over entirely. Cat Lover creates wonderful breads and cookies when required, his love of accomplishment almost outweighs his dislike for chores! Inventor makes our soy milk and Rocket makes the margarine..as long as I clean the blender.
I read some of my posts to the family for the first time tonight. They all rolled their eyes at their nicknames, but they all wanted to know what I'd said about them. Harpist played several favorite arrangements of hymns. Sabbath arrived on quiet feet. We rest from our labors.
I'm enjoying 2-3 walks a day. Different ones take me for my exercise and it's fun to look for animal tracks. So far this week,we've seen moose, coyote, rabbit and mountain lion track on the driveway. DH and I enjoy walking together at the end of a day. We return home about sunset and if it's clear, we take in gorgeous views of the mountains across the valley. Making time for these walks is well worth it!
Cancer, if you let it, helps you savor the moments you have. I am blessed with a good outcome today. I'm told my tomorrows look bright. I do not take my future for granted. Cancer is UGLY, just in case you hadn't heard. We have family and friends who walk this road, some will live to tell their stories,for others the path is less clear. None of us knows what tomorrow holds. DH and I each lost a member of our family this week. It's a time for reflection, a time to make life special for others, to brighten the journey of one who struggles.
I appreciate the little things more, an email from a friend, a note,a smile, sweet helpfulness, a great memory, a good laugh. I'm also reprioritizing my days, mornings are spent in the recliner. It's the time for tutoring the math challenges faced by Inventor, or grading a pile of writing assignments from Harpist brings a quiet joy. Rocket requuires assistance with reading and english as he squirms and bounces on the sofa beside me. Cat Lover needs the proverbial "kick in the seat of his pants" to do his English. Together, we discovered the wonders of Komodo Island with its pink beaches and huge dragon lizards. I'm contemplating ways to make English and Grammar 3 dimensional for boy minds. HMMM. As Cat Lover was bemoaning the parts of speech, we pulled put the Legos and illustrated the importance of having more than one type of block, particularly if you wish to build something interesting...like a cherry picker.
The work is getting done without me. Rocket loves to be in charge, what better way to do that than to authoritatively order Harpist out of the kitchen so he could be in charge of fixing lunch. Not bad for a nine year old. Harpist appreciates the assistance, but is a tad leery of turning the reins over entirely. Cat Lover creates wonderful breads and cookies when required, his love of accomplishment almost outweighs his dislike for chores! Inventor makes our soy milk and Rocket makes the margarine..as long as I clean the blender.
I read some of my posts to the family for the first time tonight. They all rolled their eyes at their nicknames, but they all wanted to know what I'd said about them. Harpist played several favorite arrangements of hymns. Sabbath arrived on quiet feet. We rest from our labors.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Ohhhhh I'm sooooooo tired.
It seems the effects of a fun filled weekend caught up to me today. Church, youth activities, a walk in the park with friends and LOTS of lively boys. A good nights rest and scrumptious breakfast at a friends before heading into a town day. We all were worn out by the time we got home.
Ok,ok, with my personality, the concept of a nap during daylight hours seems almost sinful and with 3 lively boys, it is sleep at your own risk. I'm parked in my recliner with my feet up, encouraging, tutoring and resting. I'm still enjoying this new order of business. It's been good for all of us. Rocket took me on my morning walk and the Inventor took me on my afternoon walk. When we got back, his siblings had done his dishes for him and were busily doing their own chores. He needed that today, and it encouraged my heart greatly too.
Now my DH (coach) is ready to take me on my 3rd walk of the day. Gotta run...wouldn't miss this time for anything. :)
Ok,ok, with my personality, the concept of a nap during daylight hours seems almost sinful and with 3 lively boys, it is sleep at your own risk. I'm parked in my recliner with my feet up, encouraging, tutoring and resting. I'm still enjoying this new order of business. It's been good for all of us. Rocket took me on my morning walk and the Inventor took me on my afternoon walk. When we got back, his siblings had done his dishes for him and were busily doing their own chores. He needed that today, and it encouraged my heart greatly too.
Now my DH (coach) is ready to take me on my 3rd walk of the day. Gotta run...wouldn't miss this time for anything. :)
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Musings on a Canyon Road
Our drive to civilization takes us 35+ miles down a remote gravel road. The road turns abruptly away from the wide open, beautiful valley and follows a narrow gap between mountain ridges and then drops down to follow the winding river. The road is roughest through this area and the snow deepens considerably through portions of the route.
How often the journey of life mirrors this portion of our trip. I can focus on the winding, potholed road, hills scarred by forest fires and the deep snows, or I can chose to look up and see the lightening sky, the silhouettes of the mountain ranges, the beauty of the swift flowing river, and a thousand diamonds in the snow banks. You know, if it hadn't been for the forest fires, I wouldn't be able to see the long range beauty of the mountain peaks.
Whenever I drive this road headed home and "pop" through that gap into the broad valley with its majestic peaks, I want to sing "How Great Thou Art!" But when I'm headed from the broad valley into the canyon, I naturally brace myself for the journey. God is patiently teaching me to sing, "How Great Thou Art" which ever direction I drive on this road. I desire this experience in my life: to praise the Lord in all things, to rejoice in the evidences of His care rather than be dragged down by the assaults of the devil. I've spent many years focused on the assaults of the devil. The Lord's shown me that and over the past several years, he's been teaching me to sing a new song, a song of faith.
The road climbs out of the canyon, morning light tinges the sky, God is faithful.
How often the journey of life mirrors this portion of our trip. I can focus on the winding, potholed road, hills scarred by forest fires and the deep snows, or I can chose to look up and see the lightening sky, the silhouettes of the mountain ranges, the beauty of the swift flowing river, and a thousand diamonds in the snow banks. You know, if it hadn't been for the forest fires, I wouldn't be able to see the long range beauty of the mountain peaks.
Whenever I drive this road headed home and "pop" through that gap into the broad valley with its majestic peaks, I want to sing "How Great Thou Art!" But when I'm headed from the broad valley into the canyon, I naturally brace myself for the journey. God is patiently teaching me to sing, "How Great Thou Art" which ever direction I drive on this road. I desire this experience in my life: to praise the Lord in all things, to rejoice in the evidences of His care rather than be dragged down by the assaults of the devil. I've spent many years focused on the assaults of the devil. The Lord's shown me that and over the past several years, he's been teaching me to sing a new song, a song of faith.
The road climbs out of the canyon, morning light tinges the sky, God is faithful.
A Good Week
It's early Sabbath morning. The children have loaded the car in record time for our 2 1/2 hour drive to church. This is our first Sabbath since surgery and we are eager to fellowship with our 2nd church family again. Last night I received a call from a cancer sister. She too will be worshipping with us today and we will actually get to met for the first time. We're both excited! It is a full day and the family is concerned that I not over do my first big outing. I shall do my best to be careful. :)
I can tell the children are excited. They are chattering in the back which is not something they normally do at this time of morning. Orchestra chatter, golf cart adventurers, the temperature (-1) to (-8) depending on where we are, and the effects thereof on diesel engines are all mixed up.
Thankfully the main gravel road we travel was snow plowed to perfection this week. It is like driving on pavement which will ease the wear and tear on all of us. This only holds true for short periods during the winter so I am very grateful.
This week began the exercise portion of recovery. I praise the Lord for the progress made. My arm extension improved about 6-8 inches. I learned yesterday, the importance of doing them at intervals during the day. I didn't get them done in the morning and by afternoon, I was feeling vey swollen under my arms again. So I know, as uncomfortable as the exercises may be, they are important to reducing swelling and lymphedemia. The children continue to exercise me twice daily and my distance is improving. Because of the wintery conditions in our area, snowboots are a necessity and I pay close attention to where I step.
Most mastectomies performed today are not the radical mastectomies many remember from a few years ago. The techniques used today most often allow for the sparing of muscle tissue which greatly reduces the recovery time and leaves patients with the ability to regain their full range of motion within a matter of weeks. Personally I am grateful to all the medical research that has allowed for such tremendous changes in techniques. It's made a big difference in my care and recovery.
Making it back to bed on a full time basis is the second major accomplishment of the week. I finally decided to tough it out and it took several nights of interrupted sleep, but now I'm only waking up once or twice to change position which is getting easier all the time. One night, as I gingerly arranged myself in bed, I lay the talking with the Lord. It dawned on me that for the first time, I'd had a couple of minute that actually felt "normal". That gave me hope that eventually life will not only look normal, but feel normal too.
This was our first week since November without a two hour trip to town. We all thoroughly enjoyed the break, so we home schooled Sunday to Friday. We also enjoyed our resident mamma moose and calf. They don't seem to mind our activity and just hang out by the old salt lick. We think this mamma is one of the older animals that used to visit the previous owners 5-6 years ago. She goes to the old salt lick locations and hasn't discovered our new ones yet.
The children began planning our trips to see grandparents in other regions of the country this week. This is a healthy sign that life is moving on for them. Ideas to make the trip creative, flow from Inventor's brain when he should be focused on Algebra. The Harpist in concerned with speed and comfort. The Rocket is my worrier and Cat Lover joins which ever side will make the discussion most exciting. Meanwhile DH and I sit at opposite ends of the table and smile at each other. Life is returning to normal.
I can tell the children are excited. They are chattering in the back which is not something they normally do at this time of morning. Orchestra chatter, golf cart adventurers, the temperature (-1) to (-8) depending on where we are, and the effects thereof on diesel engines are all mixed up.
Thankfully the main gravel road we travel was snow plowed to perfection this week. It is like driving on pavement which will ease the wear and tear on all of us. This only holds true for short periods during the winter so I am very grateful.
This week began the exercise portion of recovery. I praise the Lord for the progress made. My arm extension improved about 6-8 inches. I learned yesterday, the importance of doing them at intervals during the day. I didn't get them done in the morning and by afternoon, I was feeling vey swollen under my arms again. So I know, as uncomfortable as the exercises may be, they are important to reducing swelling and lymphedemia. The children continue to exercise me twice daily and my distance is improving. Because of the wintery conditions in our area, snowboots are a necessity and I pay close attention to where I step.
Most mastectomies performed today are not the radical mastectomies many remember from a few years ago. The techniques used today most often allow for the sparing of muscle tissue which greatly reduces the recovery time and leaves patients with the ability to regain their full range of motion within a matter of weeks. Personally I am grateful to all the medical research that has allowed for such tremendous changes in techniques. It's made a big difference in my care and recovery.
Making it back to bed on a full time basis is the second major accomplishment of the week. I finally decided to tough it out and it took several nights of interrupted sleep, but now I'm only waking up once or twice to change position which is getting easier all the time. One night, as I gingerly arranged myself in bed, I lay the talking with the Lord. It dawned on me that for the first time, I'd had a couple of minute that actually felt "normal". That gave me hope that eventually life will not only look normal, but feel normal too.
This was our first week since November without a two hour trip to town. We all thoroughly enjoyed the break, so we home schooled Sunday to Friday. We also enjoyed our resident mamma moose and calf. They don't seem to mind our activity and just hang out by the old salt lick. We think this mamma is one of the older animals that used to visit the previous owners 5-6 years ago. She goes to the old salt lick locations and hasn't discovered our new ones yet.
The children began planning our trips to see grandparents in other regions of the country this week. This is a healthy sign that life is moving on for them. Ideas to make the trip creative, flow from Inventor's brain when he should be focused on Algebra. The Harpist in concerned with speed and comfort. The Rocket is my worrier and Cat Lover joins which ever side will make the discussion most exciting. Meanwhile DH and I sit at opposite ends of the table and smile at each other. Life is returning to normal.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Exercise Time
Ok, the calendar says 3 weeks ago today I had surgery. That means, according to Dr.H's notes that I should start range of motion activities. Exercise is not my favorite word, BUT I intend to follow orders carefully. My actual range of motion isn't as bad as I feared it might be. I still have a ways to go but it will come. I have four resident "physical therapy bosses" and one coach. Two of them exercise me twice daily, and they all monitor my arm motion exercises multiple times daily and demonstrate with maddening ease where I need to be.
Hey, I will count my blessings, my left side which was where the sentinel node biopsy was done has as good or better range of motion than my right side and I'm right handed.
The "therapists" are a bit leery about my taking on more activity around the house. So I do my best to assist for a bit and then leave them to their newly mastered domains. Hey, why take back over responsibilities when they are doing well and it leaves more time for me to teach, coach, plan, encourage, exercise and recover. I think I'm being spoiled and I'm lovin it!
Still working on getting back in bed. Did most of the night last night in bed, but didn't sleep much. I usually sleep very well, so that was unusual. It was a good time to pray and I'll probably sleep much better tonight.
Hey, I will count my blessings, my left side which was where the sentinel node biopsy was done has as good or better range of motion than my right side and I'm right handed.
The "therapists" are a bit leery about my taking on more activity around the house. So I do my best to assist for a bit and then leave them to their newly mastered domains. Hey, why take back over responsibilities when they are doing well and it leaves more time for me to teach, coach, plan, encourage, exercise and recover. I think I'm being spoiled and I'm lovin it!
Still working on getting back in bed. Did most of the night last night in bed, but didn't sleep much. I usually sleep very well, so that was unusual. It was a good time to pray and I'll probably sleep much better tonight.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Breast Cancer Recovery Notes
Mental note to myself.
DO NOT forget to post medical notes. Just to remind yourself of what recovery was like, just in case you ever have to do this again or you have a friend who goes through this. Tomorrow it will be three weeks since surgery for breast cancer. I'm glad the last three weeks are over and look FORWARD to what each day of the future holds.
So what was learned?
Oh yes, I posted that once my drainage tubes came out, I was looking forward to sleeping on my side again, that was optimistic! I did try sleeping in my own bed which only lasted a couple of nights. Pillows bend my torso in the wrong places, it seems the only place I'm willing to bend is the waist, so back to the recliner for me. We attempted moving me back to our bed again this weekend, it lasted 4 hours the first night and 5 minutes the second. If you are a stomach or side sleeper, to lay on your back in bed long is very uncomfortable. It's hard for me to roll over or sit up without automatically using my arms and upper body. I also have muscle spasms and chest discomfort that wakes me up and it seems to be better when I'm in the recliner with a firm straight angle to my waist. If I had done a TRAM or DIEP tissue reconstruction,it would probably have been much worse from my reading. Here's hoping to go back to my own bed soon. :)
Personal care. The docs all send you home with their instructions. I've chosen to follow the most explicit and restrictive set which came from the plastic surgeon. The first week after surgery I was glad for DH's careful supervision and assistance with my personal care. Our homemade version of a shower chair worked great it was helpful when I was weak and not stable on my feet. Week Two, I graduated to doing more of my personal care by myself, I was comfortable standing in the shower once the drain tubes were out. This week I'm caring for all my basic needs on my own. It takes me twice as long as normal and DH still checks incisions regularly for any signs of infection or problems. With his background and all his years working around clinicians I trust his assessments!
On the medical front, my swelling is going down, not fast enough to suit me, but it's getting there. I'm still very swollen above the implants and under my arms. Particularly on the left side where Dr. H. did the sentinal node biopsy. My doc notes say to expect swelling for up to 6 weeks. By week two I was black and blue, but during this past week it's been clearing up and hopefully by next week all of the remaining bruising will be cleared up. My skin color is good which means the docs did a great job of preserving blood flow to the skin, that along with healthy living practices means everyone is happy about my skin.
My nerves are another story, because of the type of surgery I had, the nerves to my skin and incision areas were severely disrupted and while I have some pressure sensation in some areas, I have no feeling in the incision areas. About 10 days after surgery what nerves that remained woke up and tried to connect with their long gone partners for the first time. OUCH! Now I get shooting nerve pains through the chest area. It's similar to what my Dad described after open heart surgery, though I'm sure not so severe. Those are no fun. The doc notes say it's normal and will last awhile. So grin and bear it!
Body shape. You never think about it, but you get really used to your body shape particularly in the shower. We all have habitual ways we use to care for our bodies. When something happens that changes your body shape significantly it takes time to adjust mentally and to modify your habits. I'm working to do that as best I can, But my shape looks and feels very different and I'm squeamish about incisions!
Emotionally. There are enough blogs and cancer websites bulletin boards out there to know that women and their partners experience a full range of emotions. I am so grateful for the many prayers on my behalf and my personal faith and trust in a LOVING God who cares for me inspite of what the devil tries to do. I also greatly appreciate the genuine concern, support and caring shown by DH's colleagues. It means a lot to him and to me.
I am blessed with a loving supportive family who prays.
I am blessed with not one, but two church families who show they care in tangible ways and who pray.
I am blessed with priceless friends across the country who show they care in so many different ways and who pray.
I am blessed with a great medical team and my own personal team of medical consultants. I pray for all of them!
I am blessed by the experiences of fellow cancer survivors, who've been there and can empathize.
So, while there are some days that the meds don't work, or I'm extra tired and in pain, I choose to focus on my blessings. :)
So how's DH doing? Well you can ask him! I learned early in our marriage that it wasn't wise for me to speak on his behalf. We are opposites in many ways, that's part of the spark in our relationship. I will make a couple of observations though. DH is very protective of me. He wished it had happened to him. Another couple we know who've been through cancer wrote that it was almost harder to be the spouse, than to be the patient. Even post surgery, we've shared tears over the experience of cancer and the changes it brings. He is accepting and loving, gentle and helpful. Our relationship is growing and deepening as a result of cancer.
How are the kids doing? See previous post. If you have small children or children that are not trained to run your home yet, you will need outside help. Line it up for the first three weeks so you can heal and rest. If you are going to need radiation or chemo plan on help for a more extended period of time until you know how you are going to cope. Better to have more help than you need than be frantically trying to find it in the midst of recovery or treatment.
Practical hints for making the first three weeks easier.
1. Pajamas and shirts that button down the front or that can be stepped into and pulled up. I can't pull anything over my head until three weeks post surgery and then only if my arms cooperate.
2. Very soft and comfortable skirts or pants. Jeans do not qualify.
3. My plastic surgeon required a specific bra post surgery for 6 weeks night and day. One came with the surgery. I purchased a second one from her office. Wear one, wash one.
4. My breast surgeon required a special camisole post surgery that zips up the front. I was fitted for it at the local durable medical equipment company that also does breast prosthesis. The camisole has Velcro pockets to hold the drainage tube bulbs. This prevents those tubes being pulled out accidently. It's worth the $60. Do not pin your drains to your clothes! They also gave me a lanyard to put around my neck when I showered. I could hook the bulbs to that. That prevented them from pulling out while I showered or the camisole was being washed.
5. 3x4 no adhesive bandages the kind used by burn patients. They cost a little more, but nothing sticks. That's really nice the first three weeks. We bought ours in bulk from a durable medical equipment company or you can buy them on line. Different sizes are available, but stock up you need enough to change dressings 2x day for the first week and then 1x day for the next five weeks.
6. Silvadene burn cream. It's a prescription, but my plastic surgeon believes it gives better final scar results and less infection. I'd used it with my kids before and knew it worked well. At three weeks, my incisions look great.
6 1/2. Sterile tongue depressors, use them to get the Silvadene Cream out of the jar. It keeps the ointment clean, and you can paste directly on your incision if your squeamish like me. I only dip once and use a little of the left over on the stick to paste the corners of the bandages to my skin.
7. My medical note book with all the directions and instructions.
8. Shower chair for the first week or invent your own. We did. One small bench covered in heavy black plastic.
9. A good recliner, bed isn't going to feel comfortable for awhile unless you buy one of those wedges and use lots of pillows. The recliner was one of the best tips I got from someone who'd already been through this.
10. Clothes and towels hung low where you can get to them. You can't reach up to a normal closet rack height unless you are considerably taller than my 5'2".
11. A small table next to your recliner or bed for your water, phone, books, meds, etc.
12. Heating pad for your back.
13. A long handled scrub brush for the shower as you can't reach your back.
14. A long handled back scratcher.
15. Water jugs or mugs with lids and straws. If you are in bed or a recliner a simple glass may not work that well.
16. Protein powder. If you are having a hard time eating the week after surgery, you need to have smoothies with protein powder. My plastic surgeon and naturopath both said 65 grams/day.
17. A stock of broth and soup crackers for the first week. I found the crackers helpful as I don't like to take meds on an empty stomach unless directed.
18. A bucket or basket for all your meds/bandages etc. One that you can put on a shelf out of reach of small children.
19. A night light.
20. Thank you cards.
21. Stock up on staple items as you won't feel like going to the store for a full trip for awhile and you won't be able to lift much anyway. When you get into the store it seems like most everything you want is on a shelf you can't reach.
22. If it applies, find out your medical leave requirements and what you have to be able to do to return to work. This is very important, your doc will need to go over this with you before surgery.
In summary, plan ahead, it is a stressful, emotional, painful time, but good planning before surgery can make recovery more pleasant.
DO NOT forget to post medical notes. Just to remind yourself of what recovery was like, just in case you ever have to do this again or you have a friend who goes through this. Tomorrow it will be three weeks since surgery for breast cancer. I'm glad the last three weeks are over and look FORWARD to what each day of the future holds.
So what was learned?
Oh yes, I posted that once my drainage tubes came out, I was looking forward to sleeping on my side again, that was optimistic! I did try sleeping in my own bed which only lasted a couple of nights. Pillows bend my torso in the wrong places, it seems the only place I'm willing to bend is the waist, so back to the recliner for me. We attempted moving me back to our bed again this weekend, it lasted 4 hours the first night and 5 minutes the second. If you are a stomach or side sleeper, to lay on your back in bed long is very uncomfortable. It's hard for me to roll over or sit up without automatically using my arms and upper body. I also have muscle spasms and chest discomfort that wakes me up and it seems to be better when I'm in the recliner with a firm straight angle to my waist. If I had done a TRAM or DIEP tissue reconstruction,it would probably have been much worse from my reading. Here's hoping to go back to my own bed soon. :)
Personal care. The docs all send you home with their instructions. I've chosen to follow the most explicit and restrictive set which came from the plastic surgeon. The first week after surgery I was glad for DH's careful supervision and assistance with my personal care. Our homemade version of a shower chair worked great it was helpful when I was weak and not stable on my feet. Week Two, I graduated to doing more of my personal care by myself, I was comfortable standing in the shower once the drain tubes were out. This week I'm caring for all my basic needs on my own. It takes me twice as long as normal and DH still checks incisions regularly for any signs of infection or problems. With his background and all his years working around clinicians I trust his assessments!
On the medical front, my swelling is going down, not fast enough to suit me, but it's getting there. I'm still very swollen above the implants and under my arms. Particularly on the left side where Dr. H. did the sentinal node biopsy. My doc notes say to expect swelling for up to 6 weeks. By week two I was black and blue, but during this past week it's been clearing up and hopefully by next week all of the remaining bruising will be cleared up. My skin color is good which means the docs did a great job of preserving blood flow to the skin, that along with healthy living practices means everyone is happy about my skin.
My nerves are another story, because of the type of surgery I had, the nerves to my skin and incision areas were severely disrupted and while I have some pressure sensation in some areas, I have no feeling in the incision areas. About 10 days after surgery what nerves that remained woke up and tried to connect with their long gone partners for the first time. OUCH! Now I get shooting nerve pains through the chest area. It's similar to what my Dad described after open heart surgery, though I'm sure not so severe. Those are no fun. The doc notes say it's normal and will last awhile. So grin and bear it!
Body shape. You never think about it, but you get really used to your body shape particularly in the shower. We all have habitual ways we use to care for our bodies. When something happens that changes your body shape significantly it takes time to adjust mentally and to modify your habits. I'm working to do that as best I can, But my shape looks and feels very different and I'm squeamish about incisions!
Emotionally. There are enough blogs and cancer websites bulletin boards out there to know that women and their partners experience a full range of emotions. I am so grateful for the many prayers on my behalf and my personal faith and trust in a LOVING God who cares for me inspite of what the devil tries to do. I also greatly appreciate the genuine concern, support and caring shown by DH's colleagues. It means a lot to him and to me.
I am blessed with a loving supportive family who prays.
I am blessed with not one, but two church families who show they care in tangible ways and who pray.
I am blessed with priceless friends across the country who show they care in so many different ways and who pray.
I am blessed with a great medical team and my own personal team of medical consultants. I pray for all of them!
I am blessed by the experiences of fellow cancer survivors, who've been there and can empathize.
So, while there are some days that the meds don't work, or I'm extra tired and in pain, I choose to focus on my blessings. :)
So how's DH doing? Well you can ask him! I learned early in our marriage that it wasn't wise for me to speak on his behalf. We are opposites in many ways, that's part of the spark in our relationship. I will make a couple of observations though. DH is very protective of me. He wished it had happened to him. Another couple we know who've been through cancer wrote that it was almost harder to be the spouse, than to be the patient. Even post surgery, we've shared tears over the experience of cancer and the changes it brings. He is accepting and loving, gentle and helpful. Our relationship is growing and deepening as a result of cancer.
How are the kids doing? See previous post. If you have small children or children that are not trained to run your home yet, you will need outside help. Line it up for the first three weeks so you can heal and rest. If you are going to need radiation or chemo plan on help for a more extended period of time until you know how you are going to cope. Better to have more help than you need than be frantically trying to find it in the midst of recovery or treatment.
Practical hints for making the first three weeks easier.
1. Pajamas and shirts that button down the front or that can be stepped into and pulled up. I can't pull anything over my head until three weeks post surgery and then only if my arms cooperate.
2. Very soft and comfortable skirts or pants. Jeans do not qualify.
3. My plastic surgeon required a specific bra post surgery for 6 weeks night and day. One came with the surgery. I purchased a second one from her office. Wear one, wash one.
4. My breast surgeon required a special camisole post surgery that zips up the front. I was fitted for it at the local durable medical equipment company that also does breast prosthesis. The camisole has Velcro pockets to hold the drainage tube bulbs. This prevents those tubes being pulled out accidently. It's worth the $60. Do not pin your drains to your clothes! They also gave me a lanyard to put around my neck when I showered. I could hook the bulbs to that. That prevented them from pulling out while I showered or the camisole was being washed.
5. 3x4 no adhesive bandages the kind used by burn patients. They cost a little more, but nothing sticks. That's really nice the first three weeks. We bought ours in bulk from a durable medical equipment company or you can buy them on line. Different sizes are available, but stock up you need enough to change dressings 2x day for the first week and then 1x day for the next five weeks.
6. Silvadene burn cream. It's a prescription, but my plastic surgeon believes it gives better final scar results and less infection. I'd used it with my kids before and knew it worked well. At three weeks, my incisions look great.
6 1/2. Sterile tongue depressors, use them to get the Silvadene Cream out of the jar. It keeps the ointment clean, and you can paste directly on your incision if your squeamish like me. I only dip once and use a little of the left over on the stick to paste the corners of the bandages to my skin.
7. My medical note book with all the directions and instructions.
8. Shower chair for the first week or invent your own. We did. One small bench covered in heavy black plastic.
9. A good recliner, bed isn't going to feel comfortable for awhile unless you buy one of those wedges and use lots of pillows. The recliner was one of the best tips I got from someone who'd already been through this.
10. Clothes and towels hung low where you can get to them. You can't reach up to a normal closet rack height unless you are considerably taller than my 5'2".
11. A small table next to your recliner or bed for your water, phone, books, meds, etc.
12. Heating pad for your back.
13. A long handled scrub brush for the shower as you can't reach your back.
14. A long handled back scratcher.
15. Water jugs or mugs with lids and straws. If you are in bed or a recliner a simple glass may not work that well.
16. Protein powder. If you are having a hard time eating the week after surgery, you need to have smoothies with protein powder. My plastic surgeon and naturopath both said 65 grams/day.
17. A stock of broth and soup crackers for the first week. I found the crackers helpful as I don't like to take meds on an empty stomach unless directed.
18. A bucket or basket for all your meds/bandages etc. One that you can put on a shelf out of reach of small children.
19. A night light.
20. Thank you cards.
21. Stock up on staple items as you won't feel like going to the store for a full trip for awhile and you won't be able to lift much anyway. When you get into the store it seems like most everything you want is on a shelf you can't reach.
22. If it applies, find out your medical leave requirements and what you have to be able to do to return to work. This is very important, your doc will need to go over this with you before surgery.
In summary, plan ahead, it is a stressful, emotional, painful time, but good planning before surgery can make recovery more pleasant.
Of Sunshine and More Snow
Well the Doc Report is posted...so what else is recovery like during week three?
This week life is more interesting, or I'm more interested in taking part in it. We've had sunshine and snow this week and I've been walking in both. DH or one of the children takes me for my exercise. No one wants me to fall. Harpist and I saw what we believe to be the tracks of our resident, bunny hunting fisher one day. On another day Rocket and I watched a sage grouse waddle off through the woods. We admired her neat tracks and how she slid down the snow bank on her tummy. Our Momma moose with calf came calling again in a thick snow storm. It's so fun to watch junior wade around in snow up to his tummy.
With the help of a sweet friend, I also prepared my first meal. Afterwards, I repaired to my chair for the afternoon! But it was great fun to give Harpist a break. Together with friends, we pulled off a surprise for the children that the "Family Bureau of Investigation" failed to pick up on. They were beside themselves for 2 hours with the suspense of it all. It gave them a break from dealing with my cancer and recovery. That was a blessed day! The memories will last longer than my pain and stitches. As a parent, you know life happens and children will need to adapt,shoulder responsibilities and deal with hard issues. But we try not to forget they are kids too.
The children are very good at telling me what I'm not supposed to do. Personally I think they enjoy the shoe being on the other foot for once. I enjoy their helpfulness when they see something I need or when I need something done.
We are homeschooling,the children are doing chores. Oh an aside...to the dear friend who wrote and said she could just see our four children quietly and efficiently buzzing around while I directed from my chair.... I laughed. Let's be real, they are doing their work and school, and doing well at being helpful and cheerful, but it requires self surrender to the Lord. That is a daily and at times moment by moment process. We work, we encourage, we sing, we pray, but still there are moments that one member or another deals with the I don't want toos, do IIIII HAVE toos???? Or any other self centered attitude common to all of us! Learning to work together and help each other out is a blessing for all, particularly when this active MOM can NOT do what she normally would. DH and I are learning to encourage, motivate and foster positive attitudes like we never have before.
It's Friday evening now, the house is quiet, Sabbsth has come. I've read stories to Cat Lover and Rocket until I can read no more. Tomorrow our group will meet here for church and lunch. We are ready thanks to the work of the children!
This week life is more interesting, or I'm more interested in taking part in it. We've had sunshine and snow this week and I've been walking in both. DH or one of the children takes me for my exercise. No one wants me to fall. Harpist and I saw what we believe to be the tracks of our resident, bunny hunting fisher one day. On another day Rocket and I watched a sage grouse waddle off through the woods. We admired her neat tracks and how she slid down the snow bank on her tummy. Our Momma moose with calf came calling again in a thick snow storm. It's so fun to watch junior wade around in snow up to his tummy.
With the help of a sweet friend, I also prepared my first meal. Afterwards, I repaired to my chair for the afternoon! But it was great fun to give Harpist a break. Together with friends, we pulled off a surprise for the children that the "Family Bureau of Investigation" failed to pick up on. They were beside themselves for 2 hours with the suspense of it all. It gave them a break from dealing with my cancer and recovery. That was a blessed day! The memories will last longer than my pain and stitches. As a parent, you know life happens and children will need to adapt,shoulder responsibilities and deal with hard issues. But we try not to forget they are kids too.
The children are very good at telling me what I'm not supposed to do. Personally I think they enjoy the shoe being on the other foot for once. I enjoy their helpfulness when they see something I need or when I need something done.
We are homeschooling,the children are doing chores. Oh an aside...to the dear friend who wrote and said she could just see our four children quietly and efficiently buzzing around while I directed from my chair.... I laughed. Let's be real, they are doing their work and school, and doing well at being helpful and cheerful, but it requires self surrender to the Lord. That is a daily and at times moment by moment process. We work, we encourage, we sing, we pray, but still there are moments that one member or another deals with the I don't want toos, do IIIII HAVE toos???? Or any other self centered attitude common to all of us! Learning to work together and help each other out is a blessing for all, particularly when this active MOM can NOT do what she normally would. DH and I are learning to encourage, motivate and foster positive attitudes like we never have before.
It's Friday evening now, the house is quiet, Sabbsth has come. I've read stories to Cat Lover and Rocket until I can read no more. Tomorrow our group will meet here for church and lunch. We are ready thanks to the work of the children!
Friday, January 27, 2012
The Doc Report
I wrote this Wednesday..and am just now posting. That's what a bad medicine day does to your week.:)
Another visit to Dr. N's office yesterday. This was the 2nd of 3 weekly followup visits before they put me on a longer leash. I saw the PA who said I was doing so well that she was putting me on the longer leash now. Hurrah! No surgical followup for a month unless there is a problem. One more week before I can begin working to regain full range of motion in my arms.
Since we had to go in, we made it a town day. I pretty much sat in the car while DH and Inventor did the running. I did walk through the grocery stores, but that was it. They lifted, pushed and did everything. I am so blessed, I felt like a queen.
By the time we got home, well, I felt like a wrung out dish rag. I sat in my chair and that was it. DH made sure I got my medicine, the PA told me to try that muscle relaxant at night to see if it worked better. It was almost noon today before my brain cleared sufficiently to know or care what was going on around me. That stuff still doesn't work the way I want it too, I may try doing 1/2 dose tonight.
Another visit to Dr. N's office yesterday. This was the 2nd of 3 weekly followup visits before they put me on a longer leash. I saw the PA who said I was doing so well that she was putting me on the longer leash now. Hurrah! No surgical followup for a month unless there is a problem. One more week before I can begin working to regain full range of motion in my arms.
Since we had to go in, we made it a town day. I pretty much sat in the car while DH and Inventor did the running. I did walk through the grocery stores, but that was it. They lifted, pushed and did everything. I am so blessed, I felt like a queen.
By the time we got home, well, I felt like a wrung out dish rag. I sat in my chair and that was it. DH made sure I got my medicine, the PA told me to try that muscle relaxant at night to see if it worked better. It was almost noon today before my brain cleared sufficiently to know or care what was going on around me. That stuff still doesn't work the way I want it too, I may try doing 1/2 dose tonight.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Snow Showers
Snow, snow and more snow. It's finally looking like winter up here. The Inventor and Cat Lover decided to spend one night in their igloo. It was 5 degrees out, but inside it was in the 20s. They had a grand time fulfilling one of their dreams. Harpist and Rocket preferred the cozy warmth of their own beds. Me too!
Recovery is going well, more good days than bad. Sunday, I finally had that long talk with a dear friend who is a 9 year cancer survivor. Her story is one of amazing perseverance and God's blessing. I came away from that conversation with conviction I have much more research to do. I cannot go on with life as it was from a health perspective. She also confirmed our experience that the tough times draw committed partners closer together and strengthen the bonds of that special relationship. They've been through a bunch of tough times and it's wonderful to see what God is doing in their lives.
I also had a chance to catch up with a local cancer "sister" who is an amazing lady. I look forward to meeting her one day soon. She inspires me to realize that life will go on, and to never forget the work of those who've gone before us. Those who made the kind of care we received possible.
Monday, I was feeling a lot more stable on my feet and clear headed as I backed off more of the pain meds during the day and the effects of anesthesia continued to wear off. I even walked outside a little but it is too cold here for me to risk much outside time with my lungs. I need to play it safe for a couple more weeks.
Tuesday was obviously a great day. Dr. H took my 2 chest drains out and it didn't really hurt. She just snipped the stitches and slid them out. The freedom from tubes and drain bulbs made me feel better! The good news was the best. By the time we were 2/3 of the way through errands. I was exhausted. I don't remember much of the rest of the day, except that coming home it was snowing really hard.
Wednesday, between my Tuesday trip and a new med the doc gave me to try, I was wiped out from early am until about 4:30 pm. I've never had that experience and I won't repeat that med again. What works for one, does not work for another!
Thursday, I slept off and on most of the am and was awake enough to enjoy the visit of a friend in the afternoon. It was so just to catch up.
Friday I managed to stay awake all day, a first since surgery. I homeschooled from my recliner took a walk to the gate with DH and tried to help in little ways as the children prepared for Sabbath. It was also my first full day off all narcotic pain meds. Hooray!
This morning, pain woke me early,so I moved back to my recliner and I've enjoyed a precious quiet time with the Lord. Today we will fellowship with friends, I will chose to rest this afternoon while the young people do something active. It will be a pleasant Sabbath.
Recovery is going well, more good days than bad. Sunday, I finally had that long talk with a dear friend who is a 9 year cancer survivor. Her story is one of amazing perseverance and God's blessing. I came away from that conversation with conviction I have much more research to do. I cannot go on with life as it was from a health perspective. She also confirmed our experience that the tough times draw committed partners closer together and strengthen the bonds of that special relationship. They've been through a bunch of tough times and it's wonderful to see what God is doing in their lives.
I also had a chance to catch up with a local cancer "sister" who is an amazing lady. I look forward to meeting her one day soon. She inspires me to realize that life will go on, and to never forget the work of those who've gone before us. Those who made the kind of care we received possible.
Monday, I was feeling a lot more stable on my feet and clear headed as I backed off more of the pain meds during the day and the effects of anesthesia continued to wear off. I even walked outside a little but it is too cold here for me to risk much outside time with my lungs. I need to play it safe for a couple more weeks.
Tuesday was obviously a great day. Dr. H took my 2 chest drains out and it didn't really hurt. She just snipped the stitches and slid them out. The freedom from tubes and drain bulbs made me feel better! The good news was the best. By the time we were 2/3 of the way through errands. I was exhausted. I don't remember much of the rest of the day, except that coming home it was snowing really hard.
Wednesday, between my Tuesday trip and a new med the doc gave me to try, I was wiped out from early am until about 4:30 pm. I've never had that experience and I won't repeat that med again. What works for one, does not work for another!
Thursday, I slept off and on most of the am and was awake enough to enjoy the visit of a friend in the afternoon. It was so just to catch up.
Friday I managed to stay awake all day, a first since surgery. I homeschooled from my recliner took a walk to the gate with DH and tried to help in little ways as the children prepared for Sabbath. It was also my first full day off all narcotic pain meds. Hooray!
This morning, pain woke me early,so I moved back to my recliner and I've enjoyed a precious quiet time with the Lord. Today we will fellowship with friends, I will chose to rest this afternoon while the young people do something active. It will be a pleasant Sabbath.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Good News Day
Today is doctor visit day!
Dr. H and staff were bright and cheerful. a nice welcome after slogging through a lot of snow coming down. I am healing well, She made my day by taking the drains out. Hooray, I can sleep in my side again.
The best news is that pathology came back as expected. DCIS only on the left side. No invasive cancer identified. After analyzing the report more fully, we are very grateful to Dr. H for not messing around and trying a "breast conserving" approach to treatment, given the initial radiology of probably 1 quadrant being involved. She believed there was more involvement and she was right. DCIS was in 3 of 4 quadrants of the left breast. It was multi focal (more than one cluster) and the nipple was involved. The surgical margins were excellent and the final sentinel node report is clean. We are very thankful.
Because of the treatment options the Lord guided us to select, my follow up care includes regular appointments with my surgeon for five years. BUT no radiation, chemotherapy or hormone therapy followup. To avoid all of those is worth the surgical price for me.
My second visit was with Dr. N , my plastic surgeon. And yes, she had on another fantastic pair of shoes today! DH and daughter both really liked her and I'm so thankful for the Lord's guidance and the council of some experienced friends when it came to selecting a plastic surgeon. Her primary concern is good incision healing. She's after minimal scaring and no infections. She also emphasized the importance of my doing nothing but scrapbooking and taxes for the next two weeks at least. I'll add homeschooling to the list. She also explained some of the unique techniques she used in my case. (For more info, see my new procedures page) It is her office staff that also pointed out the link between breast cancer, and two other cancer types that I need to watch out for given my medical history. This info will all be digested as part of my follow up cancer risk reduction strategy.
Dr. H and staff were bright and cheerful. a nice welcome after slogging through a lot of snow coming down. I am healing well, She made my day by taking the drains out. Hooray, I can sleep in my side again.
The best news is that pathology came back as expected. DCIS only on the left side. No invasive cancer identified. After analyzing the report more fully, we are very grateful to Dr. H for not messing around and trying a "breast conserving" approach to treatment, given the initial radiology of probably 1 quadrant being involved. She believed there was more involvement and she was right. DCIS was in 3 of 4 quadrants of the left breast. It was multi focal (more than one cluster) and the nipple was involved. The surgical margins were excellent and the final sentinel node report is clean. We are very thankful.
Because of the treatment options the Lord guided us to select, my follow up care includes regular appointments with my surgeon for five years. BUT no radiation, chemotherapy or hormone therapy followup. To avoid all of those is worth the surgical price for me.
My second visit was with Dr. N , my plastic surgeon. And yes, she had on another fantastic pair of shoes today! DH and daughter both really liked her and I'm so thankful for the Lord's guidance and the council of some experienced friends when it came to selecting a plastic surgeon. Her primary concern is good incision healing. She's after minimal scaring and no infections. She also emphasized the importance of my doing nothing but scrapbooking and taxes for the next two weeks at least. I'll add homeschooling to the list. She also explained some of the unique techniques she used in my case. (For more info, see my new procedures page) It is her office staff that also pointed out the link between breast cancer, and two other cancer types that I need to watch out for given my medical history. This info will all be digested as part of my follow up cancer risk reduction strategy.
Monday, January 16, 2012
The Blessings of Home
To pull into our drive and have four of the most precious faces appear from everywhere wanting to know what they could do to help warmed my heart. Their first task was to get me out of the truck without using my arms. Inventor, solved that quickly to the relief of all, a bench here, a step there and lots of hands to balance me. Harpist made sure my room was ready with chair in place. She and the Rocket tweaked and adjusted pillows while Cat Lover brought in both cats to properly welcome me home. DH was so exhausted that the children unloaded the truck (even though I had surgery, I'd sent him with a town list!) and put everything away while we crashed for a few hours.
There's a song which say, "the sweetest kind of heaven, is a home where the Lord abides..." it is so true. As I rested in my recliner in our bedroom, Tuesday night, I could hear the sounds of family worship and pleasant conversation drifting in between waves of sleepiness.
Between necessary pain meds and the fact I'd rested without much sleep Monday night, I was exhausted. So was DH who'd been able to stay in the room with me. I knew it would be hard to waken him when I needed help without wakening the rest of the house too. He almost never woke when the children were small and I've dealt with alot during the night only to have him ask "what happened" in the morning. Thankfully at 2 am, the Lord put a thought in my clouded brain. Use your cell phone! I knew his phone was right by his head and sure enough, it worked wonderfully. If I hadn't felt so crummy, I'd have laughed! Bless him, he's been faithful to get up at night and make sure I'm moving safely and taking proper medications as I was pretty wobbly on my feet for a few days, not to mention a little fuzzy brained.
Growing up in the home of a nurse, I was raised to believe pain meds are to be reserved for SEVERE pain. All else should be toughed out. If you have to take them, figure out how to get off them as soon as possible. Now that philosophy kept all of us from becoming drug addicts, but I do understand the proper place for some medications. I went down the list with J, my surgeon's wonderful nurse before leaving the hospital. And no, because of my type of case, they do not want me doing certain natural pain relieving methods at this time. There's some delicate work no one wants messed up.
So...I've developed my own strategy for getting off the meds...as long as it does not interfere with my sleep, maintaining my arm and chest mobility or healing. I'm getting there one day at a time and so far, so good. During the days, I'm down to my antibiotic and regular Tylenol. Lots of interaction with the children and plenty of naps helps me manage the pain. At nights, I still take my prescriptions so that I sleep well. I hoping to be off of those as soon as my base pain level drops some more.
I did a little homeschool tutoring Wednesday and more Thursday and Friday. When I'm awake, it's about all I can do. The kids are patient when mom falls asleep in the middle of a reading lesson.
Sabbath arrived with a phone serenade from sweet friends in another valley. The whole family piled into our room to enjoy. Then I read stories until the children decided I was too sleepy to be coherent any longer.
A wonderful end to a physically challenging week. Sabbath is here, we rest.
There's a song which say, "the sweetest kind of heaven, is a home where the Lord abides..." it is so true. As I rested in my recliner in our bedroom, Tuesday night, I could hear the sounds of family worship and pleasant conversation drifting in between waves of sleepiness.
Between necessary pain meds and the fact I'd rested without much sleep Monday night, I was exhausted. So was DH who'd been able to stay in the room with me. I knew it would be hard to waken him when I needed help without wakening the rest of the house too. He almost never woke when the children were small and I've dealt with alot during the night only to have him ask "what happened" in the morning. Thankfully at 2 am, the Lord put a thought in my clouded brain. Use your cell phone! I knew his phone was right by his head and sure enough, it worked wonderfully. If I hadn't felt so crummy, I'd have laughed! Bless him, he's been faithful to get up at night and make sure I'm moving safely and taking proper medications as I was pretty wobbly on my feet for a few days, not to mention a little fuzzy brained.
Growing up in the home of a nurse, I was raised to believe pain meds are to be reserved for SEVERE pain. All else should be toughed out. If you have to take them, figure out how to get off them as soon as possible. Now that philosophy kept all of us from becoming drug addicts, but I do understand the proper place for some medications. I went down the list with J, my surgeon's wonderful nurse before leaving the hospital. And no, because of my type of case, they do not want me doing certain natural pain relieving methods at this time. There's some delicate work no one wants messed up.
So...I've developed my own strategy for getting off the meds...as long as it does not interfere with my sleep, maintaining my arm and chest mobility or healing. I'm getting there one day at a time and so far, so good. During the days, I'm down to my antibiotic and regular Tylenol. Lots of interaction with the children and plenty of naps helps me manage the pain. At nights, I still take my prescriptions so that I sleep well. I hoping to be off of those as soon as my base pain level drops some more.
I did a little homeschool tutoring Wednesday and more Thursday and Friday. When I'm awake, it's about all I can do. The kids are patient when mom falls asleep in the middle of a reading lesson.
Sabbath arrived with a phone serenade from sweet friends in another valley. The whole family piled into our room to enjoy. Then I read stories until the children decided I was too sleepy to be coherent any longer.
A wonderful end to a physically challenging week. Sabbath is here, we rest.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
The Musings of a Patient
It is difficult to describe my feelings to be back in a hospital setting after walking away from it 13 years ago this month. I left to learn the strategic importance of Legos from a three year old and the Lord has graciously taught me much more! I don't regret that decision even on the tough days. But, I remember enough to know a good environment when I meet one and to ask the strangest questions!
I had to check in early as radiology needed to start a procedure 1/2 hour before surgery. The genuine kindness of the staff and their good natured conversations with one another was fun to watch. I do believe at this point it was harder for DH to sit and watch everything they were doing to me. He is very protective regarding who touches me and why. The thoughts of what they were going to do was really hard for him. My only "allergies" are to needles and knives. I do not care for either and some of the places they were poking them wasn't very fun. Drs H and N, my surgeons, showed up at that early hour full of energy and ready to go. I'm thankful someone else is excited about getting rid of cancer too! It is nice when your docs love what they do and it shows. Too soon, DH kissed me good bye and I was wheeled down the long cold halls of OR. As they pushed open the door, it brought back a flood of memories. My first healthcare job at the age of 16 was cleaning operating rooms.
Dr. A was called in to administer anesthesia. He did an excellent job, when I awoke about 5 hours later,I didn't have a sore throat. It is a small blessing, but one I appreciate for sure! My last memory before fading to sleep was praying for DH and our precious children.
I awoke about 5 hours later, with my glasses on! Small things, but the staff remembered my saying that I hear better when I can see! They quickly moved me to a private room where DH was waiting for me. He says I was white as a sheet and very sleepy. I felt like my arms had been over the monkey bars with an elephant on my chest. Praise the Lord, I dealt with almost no nausea which allowed me to move to a more effective pain killer which I needed.
As I slowly came out of anesthesia, I realized why I had experienced that 36 hours of no peace prior to surgery. I could lay in my hospital bed feeling terrible and yet have total peace with my decision. The cancer is gone, we can rejoice, we can be thankful for my healthcare providers. There was no grief or pain over what was lost. Those decisions will be made later. And so, I spent my time in the hospital being thankful and rejoicing in the goodness of the Lord.
To say I slept well that night would be a lie. I rested and dozed as they were still monitoring me closely. About 4 am, the tears of relief just hit me. I couldn't stop crying, they were tears of gratitude for the goodness of God. DH held my hand and we cried together.
We have so much to be thankful for.
I'm naturally curious, if it doesn't involve blood and guts and my body. So for me to be interested in exactly what my two surgeons did is unusual. But God gave me the desire to know. That for me is a sign of true emotional healing, being ready to process what was done to me. I wanted to know what type of incisions and closures were used, because of my case, their normal procedures wouldn't work and I knew that up front. When Dr. H told me what had been done, I was so excited! Not ony did they do what needed to be done, but they did it in a creative way that will leave limited visual scarring long term. From my reading of normal procedures, they went above and beyond the call of duty. As a woman, I am grateful!
The two surgeons came bursting into my room Tuesday morning to check my incisions and discharge me. Talk about two high energy ladies in 4" heels. They were hilarious! If you've got to deal with something not so nice, it helps if your docs are cheerful!
We so appreciated the calls, emails and friends who stopped by. You blessed us more tha you will know. Just as we were ready to leave, a cancer sister called. Bless her, she'd spent 5 hours on my surgery day undergoing testing at the same facility to determine the extent of her cancer. She told me, she'd been thinking of me. We shared, we laughed and cried, we talked about decisions and the peace that only God can bring. It is different for each case. I pray format God will guide her decisions and I know he will as she is seeking his will.
DH took me home about 1 pm on Tuedsay. No, the ride up our road wasn't pleasant, but the 8" of fresh snow was beautiful and home with four kids was the best ever. Now for a better nights sleep!
I had to check in early as radiology needed to start a procedure 1/2 hour before surgery. The genuine kindness of the staff and their good natured conversations with one another was fun to watch. I do believe at this point it was harder for DH to sit and watch everything they were doing to me. He is very protective regarding who touches me and why. The thoughts of what they were going to do was really hard for him. My only "allergies" are to needles and knives. I do not care for either and some of the places they were poking them wasn't very fun. Drs H and N, my surgeons, showed up at that early hour full of energy and ready to go. I'm thankful someone else is excited about getting rid of cancer too! It is nice when your docs love what they do and it shows. Too soon, DH kissed me good bye and I was wheeled down the long cold halls of OR. As they pushed open the door, it brought back a flood of memories. My first healthcare job at the age of 16 was cleaning operating rooms.
Dr. A was called in to administer anesthesia. He did an excellent job, when I awoke about 5 hours later,I didn't have a sore throat. It is a small blessing, but one I appreciate for sure! My last memory before fading to sleep was praying for DH and our precious children.
I awoke about 5 hours later, with my glasses on! Small things, but the staff remembered my saying that I hear better when I can see! They quickly moved me to a private room where DH was waiting for me. He says I was white as a sheet and very sleepy. I felt like my arms had been over the monkey bars with an elephant on my chest. Praise the Lord, I dealt with almost no nausea which allowed me to move to a more effective pain killer which I needed.
As I slowly came out of anesthesia, I realized why I had experienced that 36 hours of no peace prior to surgery. I could lay in my hospital bed feeling terrible and yet have total peace with my decision. The cancer is gone, we can rejoice, we can be thankful for my healthcare providers. There was no grief or pain over what was lost. Those decisions will be made later. And so, I spent my time in the hospital being thankful and rejoicing in the goodness of the Lord.
To say I slept well that night would be a lie. I rested and dozed as they were still monitoring me closely. About 4 am, the tears of relief just hit me. I couldn't stop crying, they were tears of gratitude for the goodness of God. DH held my hand and we cried together.
We have so much to be thankful for.
I'm naturally curious, if it doesn't involve blood and guts and my body. So for me to be interested in exactly what my two surgeons did is unusual. But God gave me the desire to know. That for me is a sign of true emotional healing, being ready to process what was done to me. I wanted to know what type of incisions and closures were used, because of my case, their normal procedures wouldn't work and I knew that up front. When Dr. H told me what had been done, I was so excited! Not ony did they do what needed to be done, but they did it in a creative way that will leave limited visual scarring long term. From my reading of normal procedures, they went above and beyond the call of duty. As a woman, I am grateful!
The two surgeons came bursting into my room Tuesday morning to check my incisions and discharge me. Talk about two high energy ladies in 4" heels. They were hilarious! If you've got to deal with something not so nice, it helps if your docs are cheerful!
We so appreciated the calls, emails and friends who stopped by. You blessed us more tha you will know. Just as we were ready to leave, a cancer sister called. Bless her, she'd spent 5 hours on my surgery day undergoing testing at the same facility to determine the extent of her cancer. She told me, she'd been thinking of me. We shared, we laughed and cried, we talked about decisions and the peace that only God can bring. It is different for each case. I pray format God will guide her decisions and I know he will as she is seeking his will.
DH took me home about 1 pm on Tuedsay. No, the ride up our road wasn't pleasant, but the 8" of fresh snow was beautiful and home with four kids was the best ever. Now for a better nights sleep!
Monday, January 9, 2012
Surgery Update
Posted by "DH"
My wild rose has come through surgery on schedule! She is currently resting in a patient room and awake, yet sleeping from time to time.
I praise the Lord that both sentinel lymph node biopsies are cancer free. This is an answer to prayer! We express our thanksgiving to our Lord and to each of you who have remembered us in prayers.
I spoke to our children, and they are doing well. Busy with school work and various chores. We are so thankful for wonderful neighbors to care for our children.
My wild rose has come through surgery on schedule! She is currently resting in a patient room and awake, yet sleeping from time to time.
I praise the Lord that both sentinel lymph node biopsies are cancer free. This is an answer to prayer! We express our thanksgiving to our Lord and to each of you who have remembered us in prayers.
I spoke to our children, and they are doing well. Busy with school work and various chores. We are so thankful for wonderful neighbors to care for our children.
Thank You
We're heading to the hospital shortly. Bless the sweet friends who told us to come and stay anytime we needed too! We thank each of you for your notes, cards and calls. We know we are surrounded by prayer and that means so very much to us.
Harpist gave me a little card she'd put together during the past week. She loves to journal and write poetry. Ah, the benefits of homeschooling, how a child can go from hating poetry to writing it and composing music in less than four years is a journey fascinating to watch as a parent!
Here is the poem she wrote:
Everything is Weighed
Everything is weighed and measured,
By God who sees all things.
And however we are tested.
He holds us beneath His wings.
To us He says "Of courage be,
You will I contin'lly lead,
The book which is now closed to thee
Will you some day open and read."
So on earth we dwell with tears
Perplexed with many a trial
But in spite of pain we know
Christ will be with us every mile.
So in the land without a blight
Only joy and peace and rest
Bow'ing before Him with all sight
We'll exclaim, "Your way was best."
It's time to go where I do not want. But I know that my Lord walks with me and I praise Him for His grace and trust that He knows best.
Harpist gave me a little card she'd put together during the past week. She loves to journal and write poetry. Ah, the benefits of homeschooling, how a child can go from hating poetry to writing it and composing music in less than four years is a journey fascinating to watch as a parent!
Here is the poem she wrote:
Everything is Weighed
Everything is weighed and measured,
By God who sees all things.
And however we are tested.
He holds us beneath His wings.
To us He says "Of courage be,
You will I contin'lly lead,
The book which is now closed to thee
Will you some day open and read."
So on earth we dwell with tears
Perplexed with many a trial
But in spite of pain we know
Christ will be with us every mile.
So in the land without a blight
Only joy and peace and rest
Bow'ing before Him with all sight
We'll exclaim, "Your way was best."
It's time to go where I do not want. But I know that my Lord walks with me and I praise Him for His grace and trust that He knows best.
A Family Sabbath
We chose to spend this past Sabbath binding the hearts of our children closer together and enjoying a last major winter outing as a family befpre my surgery sidelines me from intensive physical activity for 6-8 weeks.
There is a little lake about 2 miles from our house that is only accessible by traveling cross country with GPS. The boys went with my cousin last summer and described it as a moose paradise inhabited by billions of mosquitos. Not the kind of place I care to go in the summer.
But it's the middle of winter, there is a little snow on the ground, the mosquitos are hopefully gone and we've wanted to do this trip as a family since we moved in! Out came the snowshoes and a backpack. Valerie organized our lunch and the boys got everything ready while I rested.
Out into the woods we went, guided by our GPS and the boys' memories. They regaled us with stories of how far they'd gone on the golf cart and showed us the evidence to back it up. I never knew a golf cart could endure so much four wheeling! The woods were beautiful, fir gave way to an open lodgepole forest which lead to the lake drainage, a swamp in summer, but now a beautiful frozen mix of red willow, aspen and poplar through which we wound our way. Sunlight peeking through the clouds mixed with gently falling snow created all kinds of beautiful lighting and patterns to enjoy.
The lake was all the boys had described, small, surrounded by very dense woods and now completely frozen. What a wonderful spot to enjoy lunch and contemplate the beauty of God's handiwork.
Harpist, told me that she was so glad we'd planned a family sabbath out in nature. It feed all of our hearts and helped us appreciate our contemplation of God's word when we returned home.
The Sabbath hours of rest are past, the week ahead.
Thank you Lord for Sabbath.
There is a little lake about 2 miles from our house that is only accessible by traveling cross country with GPS. The boys went with my cousin last summer and described it as a moose paradise inhabited by billions of mosquitos. Not the kind of place I care to go in the summer.
But it's the middle of winter, there is a little snow on the ground, the mosquitos are hopefully gone and we've wanted to do this trip as a family since we moved in! Out came the snowshoes and a backpack. Valerie organized our lunch and the boys got everything ready while I rested.
Out into the woods we went, guided by our GPS and the boys' memories. They regaled us with stories of how far they'd gone on the golf cart and showed us the evidence to back it up. I never knew a golf cart could endure so much four wheeling! The woods were beautiful, fir gave way to an open lodgepole forest which lead to the lake drainage, a swamp in summer, but now a beautiful frozen mix of red willow, aspen and poplar through which we wound our way. Sunlight peeking through the clouds mixed with gently falling snow created all kinds of beautiful lighting and patterns to enjoy.
The lake was all the boys had described, small, surrounded by very dense woods and now completely frozen. What a wonderful spot to enjoy lunch and contemplate the beauty of God's handiwork.
Harpist, told me that she was so glad we'd planned a family sabbath out in nature. It feed all of our hearts and helped us appreciate our contemplation of God's word when we returned home.
The Sabbath hours of rest are past, the week ahead.
Thank you Lord for Sabbath.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Surgery Update
Surgery is currently scheduled for Monday, January 9, 2012. I am scheduled to arrive at 6am, surgery is scheduled from 7:30 am to 11:30 am.
I will be at the surgery center adjacent to the "big" hospital in our town. It is expected that I will be in surgery several hours and if all goes as planned, I should be discharged sometime Tuesday, January 10.
During this time, DH will be posting to the blog for me. He will also have my beloved iPad, medical notebook, his work computer and two cell phones if anyone needs to reach him or wishes to encourage him.
The children are staying with friends in our valley. They will have plenty to do and a wolf to play with. Thank you to everyone for your offers of help and your assistance with everything from a listening ear to precious Sabbath memories, and covering church responsibilities for us.
I will be at the surgery center adjacent to the "big" hospital in our town. It is expected that I will be in surgery several hours and if all goes as planned, I should be discharged sometime Tuesday, January 10.
During this time, DH will be posting to the blog for me. He will also have my beloved iPad, medical notebook, his work computer and two cell phones if anyone needs to reach him or wishes to encourage him.
The children are staying with friends in our valley. They will have plenty to do and a wolf to play with. Thank you to everyone for your offers of help and your assistance with everything from a listening ear to precious Sabbath memories, and covering church responsibilities for us.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
In the Quiet
Now, I sit quietly, in a large empty waiting room, it seems. A friend reminded me that I do not sit in this room alone. God is with me. I choose to spend this time praising the Lord for his blessings, while my spiritual walk grows, so do other aspects of my character. I trust His guiding and healing hand will attend my physical needs. Most of all, I crave His presence and companionship for each day ahead. While I face a challenge, I know of others whose challenges far outweigh mine and I pray for them regularly. Perspective is important!
Today, I found a handout on prayer, it's probably 20-30 years old and was tucked into an old book I recently received. A quote stood out on the first page.
"Here is faith, naked faith, to believe that we receive the blessing even BEFORE we receive it."
It reminds me of that text from Hebrews 11, "Now faith is the SUBSTANCE of things hoped for, the EVIDENCE of things not seen."
When I was first diagnosed 6 weeks ago, one of my desires was a deeper walk with Jesus. He has been faithful! May I continue to be faithful to Him, is my prayer.
Surgery is next Monday, my initial phase of treatment determined. I will rest.
Today, I found a handout on prayer, it's probably 20-30 years old and was tucked into an old book I recently received. A quote stood out on the first page.
"Here is faith, naked faith, to believe that we receive the blessing even BEFORE we receive it."
It reminds me of that text from Hebrews 11, "Now faith is the SUBSTANCE of things hoped for, the EVIDENCE of things not seen."
When I was first diagnosed 6 weeks ago, one of my desires was a deeper walk with Jesus. He has been faithful! May I continue to be faithful to Him, is my prayer.
Surgery is next Monday, my initial phase of treatment determined. I will rest.
It was the Worst of Times....
The gift of praying family and friends are very precious when you face trials in life. We faced decisions and needed the prayer support of others. Knowing that a small group of you were praying was so comforting as we made the decisions detailed on other pages.
In the midst of our pre-occupation, Christmas was coming...ready or not. We kept it simple this year.
I remember one town day in particular the week before Christmas I was struggling for peace that seemed to have vanished. I was trying to analyze what had gone wrong and saying "Lord, help me understand!" This in the midst of Christmas shopping and a medical appointment. With the entire family in tow.
My decision struggle was so intense that it, or the food we ate made me immediately ill, for the next two hours. Bless my patient family for their assistance at the restaurant and Wal-mart! Once I somewhat recovered physically, I knew I needed outside input from someone who understood the choices and dilemma I faced. I praise the Lord for a very busy friend who sat in the middle of her half mopped floor and talked me through choices. I realized I probably needed to make some changes to my treatment decisions, DH understood and suggested I sleep on it before making a phone call. And then my inner peace returned.
We finished up our Christmas shopping, holding hurried and huddled conversations in all kinds of places. To be honest, I really knew very little about the children had planned for each other or us. I do believe that was a first! it was great fun! And then we kept running into friends.
A Christmas at home means:
* Baking cookies with a neighbor friend while the kids played.
* Caroling with more neighbors...what FUN to traverse our valley and sing carols in the frosty evening air.
* Grandma and Grandpa arriving!
* Christmas Eve home church and dinner with friends and family.
* Christmas Day...how long can four kids and two cats drag out Christmas before brunch? A very looooonnnnnngggggg time!
* A Christmas potluck with neighbors, filled with good food, laughter, christmas carols and harp music.
I actually put cancer on the shelf and left it there for two whole days! What a wonderful break.
... it was the Best of Times
In the midst of our pre-occupation, Christmas was coming...ready or not. We kept it simple this year.
I remember one town day in particular the week before Christmas I was struggling for peace that seemed to have vanished. I was trying to analyze what had gone wrong and saying "Lord, help me understand!" This in the midst of Christmas shopping and a medical appointment. With the entire family in tow.
My decision struggle was so intense that it, or the food we ate made me immediately ill, for the next two hours. Bless my patient family for their assistance at the restaurant and Wal-mart! Once I somewhat recovered physically, I knew I needed outside input from someone who understood the choices and dilemma I faced. I praise the Lord for a very busy friend who sat in the middle of her half mopped floor and talked me through choices. I realized I probably needed to make some changes to my treatment decisions, DH understood and suggested I sleep on it before making a phone call. And then my inner peace returned.
We finished up our Christmas shopping, holding hurried and huddled conversations in all kinds of places. To be honest, I really knew very little about the children had planned for each other or us. I do believe that was a first! it was great fun! And then we kept running into friends.
A Christmas at home means:
* Baking cookies with a neighbor friend while the kids played.
* Caroling with more neighbors...what FUN to traverse our valley and sing carols in the frosty evening air.
* Grandma and Grandpa arriving!
* Christmas Eve home church and dinner with friends and family.
* Christmas Day...how long can four kids and two cats drag out Christmas before brunch? A very looooonnnnnngggggg time!
* A Christmas potluck with neighbors, filled with good food, laughter, christmas carols and harp music.
I actually put cancer on the shelf and left it there for two whole days! What a wonderful break.
... it was the Best of Times
To Every Thing There is a Season
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven...a time to keep silence, and a time to speak." Ecc 3:1,7
As I look back over the last whirlwind month, the time I treasure most is the two weeks where DH, the Lord and I sorted out what our priorities were and how we wished to approach the "bend in the road" of our lives. We came away from that precious time with the following:
As I look back over the last whirlwind month, the time I treasure most is the two weeks where DH, the Lord and I sorted out what our priorities were and how we wished to approach the "bend in the road" of our lives. We came away from that precious time with the following:
*A list of priorities for us individually and as a family.
*A list of TO DOs that must be done before surgery of any sort.
*A treasure trove of information regarding DCIS and treatment methods both medical and natural.
*A brochure to communicate what we are facing and a rough idea of how we wanted to communicate this news and stay connected with friends and family across the country.
*Information on sharing cancer news with children.
*The beginnings of my medical notebook that goes with me to all appointments.
Why did we do this? Well, we couldn't do much else. Everything was closed for Thanksgiving, so no matter how concerned we were with my diagnosis, everyone was off for the holiday unless it was an emergency. Also, when I'm under intense stress, one of my coping mechanisms outside of prayer is to be organized.
So, we laughed, shared stories, played games, ate, enjoyed Harpist's solo at church and just relaxed as best we could. Every evening we headed to bed early and spent time praying, crying, prioritizing, planning and researching DCIS and our treatment options. Every morning we were up early, enjoying our quiet time with the Lord and I started writing out what evenutally became our "Flyer" to share. Precious memories were made, cancer could wait. We couldn't do anything more until our healthcare providers were back in the office on Monday anyway. Why scare anyone else, when we knew so little ourselves? I just couldn't bring myself to tell my parents. That was the Lord working, as it's not in my nature to remain silent for long.
By Monday, we had our plan laid out, based on what we had been told and our interpretation of the pathology report. I called K, the nurse navigator, and told her I needed an appointment with Dr. H, the surgical breast oncologist. (See my page on making decisions.) While at Dr. H's office later in the week, we learned more information and our ideas about treatment were tossed out. I felt like I'd been hit by a train twice in 10 days! One of the handouts I received contained the following quote:
"Breast cancer usually isn't a medical emergency. It is often a psychological emergency."
We returned home from the doctor's office to a surprise birthday party for me, planned by the children. They dug out some of my special china for the occasion and managed to get the Christmas tree set up and decorated too. It's moments like these, I treasure as a Mom! It makes all the tough days worth it.
After my initial consult with Dr. H, my appointment list grew exponentially, we had to tell the children. We couldn't hide it any longer. We chose a morning, when we'd have some down time and all day to process the news together as a family. We prayed and prepared the best we could. We wanted them to be informed without overwhelming them too much. God was faithful, He gave me emotional strength that I don't normally possess. He gave us the ability to explain what was going on simply and without a lot of undo emotion or stress. The news shook the children, particularly the oldest two. They all are processing the news and it's impact on their life. We sense we need to be vigilant observers of their behaviors, expressions and spoken words.
We wanted to comfort them and encourage them to trust Jesus when they are afraid.
Telling the children left me emotionally drained. It was another 10 days, before I had enough emotional energy to begin telling our families and a small prayer group. It was time, we faced treatment decisions and we needed the prayers and wisdom of others.
Cancer Between Appointments
A normal town day with a routine mammogram scheduled. Nothing out of the ordinary. The only thing I really remember is that the tech who did my mammogram had family who owns property in our valley, so we had a nice visit. Also, the receptionist was insistent on trying to get my old mammogram from 11 years ago. So I called on the spot and gave her the info she needed to attempt to retrieve it. Then it was off to the rest of my busy town day schedule. Check one more item off the list.
About 3 or 4 days later, the hospital called back, they were unable to obtain my previous mammogram results. Mammogram results are only kept 7 years by law. If you're moving...get a copy and take them with you. My mammogram show micro calcifications, no big deal, they just needed me to come back in for magnification views. Fine, my next town day was 10 days away. I'd put them on my list for that day. Now back to homeschooling.....
Town Day Again: A second round of mammograms. This time the tech told me to wait in the room until the radiologist released me. As I waited...for the very first time, I had the thought, "what if this is cancer?" I immediately pushed the thought from my mind. The Lord's teaching me not to allow my thoughts to wander into "what if" territory.
The tech came back, the radiologist wanted an ultrasound done before I left. Fine, I had a bit of time before my appointment with my internist. After completing the initial exam, the tech said he was going to get the radiologist to finish the exam. When the radiologist came in, he proceeded to re-examine me and then started moving the wand under my left arm. I'm not medically trained, but I worked in healthcare for 14 years. I knew instantly he was checking my lymph nodes for signs of cancer. When he had finished he explained that he was concerned about a pattern of micro calcifications in my left breast, close to the chest wall. As there was no previous baseline mammogram available to compare, I had two choices, I could wait 6 months and do a follow up mammogram or I could proceed with a biopsy. He recommended that I proceed with the biopsy. I told him I'd think about it and talk with my internist who I was seeing in a few minutes. He said he'd call and talk with her.
30 minutes later, I'm at the internist's office, amazed that the radiologist has already called her. There was significant concern regarding my left breast and moderate concern with my right breast. Within 2 days, I was set for a bilateral breast biopsy the following week at the Breast Imaging Center. My BIRADS score was 4/6.
What does a BIRADS score mean? It is a scale of 0-6 used by radiologists to indicate the level of certainty they have of a cancer diagnosis on a mammogram. According to Johns Hopkins website:
BIRADS 4 – Diagnosis: Suspicious Abnormality (S). Next steps: Lesions are present that don't have characteristics of breast cancer, but there is a reasonable probability of malignancy (20% to 35%); a biopsy should be considered.
So why did I chose to do a biopsy instead of waiting 6 months for a second mammogram?
Three reasons:
1. I have a young family. I am responsible to the Lord and my husband to maintain my health, so that I may be active in raising our children for the Lord.
2. The area of micro calcification that was most concerning was close to the chest wall. I didn't want to take the risk of anything spreading outside the breast.
3. If it was cancer, I didn't want to give it another 6 months to spread.
4. When a radiologist cares enough to pick up the phone and call on the spot, you know he/she has a significant level of concern.
4. When a radiologist cares enough to pick up the phone and call on the spot, you know he/she has a significant level of concern.
This is not an ethical decision! You have to weigh your risks and your life situation and make that judgement call for yourself. I'm just sharing my reasoning and decision making process, based on my current life status and what I knew.
Why a bilateral biopsy instead of just a biopsy of the one area of greatest concern?
If the most suspicious area was cancer and the secondary area had not been biopsied, I would be called back for a second biopsy. This would involve additional cost and delay in moving on to the next stage of treatment. In addition, there is the risk of "beta error". That means the first biopsy is negative and the second area of concern was cancerous, but wasn't biopsied. If that happened, I could go undiagnosed for a year until my next mammogram. I didn't want to run that risk. I chose to do the bilateral biopsy upfront and address all known areas of concern.
And then...I was off to the rest of our appointments on another busy town day.
A few days later:
The Breast Imaging Center is located at the hospital complex in the next town. K, the nurse navigator for the Center had called previously to review my procedure. She told me she'd meet me before the biopsy. I had done some research online and knew what to expect for a stereoscopic biopsy. Three hours later, I left the center, thankful for the skill of the radiologist, Dr. W, (a breast imaging specialist) and all the staff at the center. I was told to expect biopsy results in two days.
Call it avoidance, or whatever you will, but until now, I hadn't thought about what kind of cancers could create micro calcifications. A quick check online revealed that the term to listen for was Ductal Carcinoma in Situ. This means, cancer of the milk ducts which has not left the milk ducts. It is usually considered a Stage 0 or Stage 1 cancer. The micro calcifications are not cancerous themselves, they are markers which may indicate the presence of cancer, particularly in certain patterns. Here was the part the scared me. DCIS is often totally symptomless. Ok, now I knew what the term was and a little bit about it. Hopefully I could sound intelligent.
The day before Thanksgiving:
The entire family, packed, loaded into the truck, with house winterized and out the door at 9:30 am! That is close to a record when we have to winterize! We headed to town for lessons and errands before traveling to Grandparents for the holidays. My internist called just as we were finishing lunch. She asked where I was. I told her I was standing outside the truck ready to run the children to music lessons. Could I stop by to see her? It was a mixed bag of news and she wanted to talk with me in person. DH dropped me off at her office on his way to take the kids to lessons. He desperately wanted to be with me, but he had an intense client conference call scheduled during their lesson time and would pick me up when finished.
My internist took me back to an exam room and came straight to the point. I had DCIS in my left breast and the right breast biopsy was clean. She wanted to make sure that I left with hope, 98% of women diagnosed with DCIS, who choose treatment, live at least 10 years. That was good news, now to process everything else and hold myself together in front of DH and the children. I was shaken, probably in shock, but not distraught. I disliked telling DH. He loves me so much and I knew it would really hit him hard.
DH's conference call ended early (for once) and he returned to pick me up. He was anxious to know what was going on. We stood in the parking lot and talked for about 3-5 minutes. Then we hopped in the truck, picked up the rest of the children and spend the next 6 hours on the road to Grandparents house for Thanksgiving.
So that's how DH and I learned our lives were taking an unexpected bend in the road. We've been told the detour will last about 1 year if all goes well. I personally think the impact will last a lifetime.
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