An update is long over due :)
Intense emotions, tough decisions, and too much happening that is far beyond our control. The little devotional recently received provides much comfort when there are no answers to everything life throws our way. I spend time daily, just sitting in God's presence, Bible and devotional in hand, marveling at how each message is written for my need today. Sorry, I prefer not to discuss publicly all that has or is happening as it involves the privacy of others but the story of Job comes to mind. It isn't just our family going through intense times..others are as well. Eternity is near!
The details will be recorded in my private journal of praise. Several years ago, Jesus gave me the idea of a unique journal. One page dated for each day of the year. In it, I record the blessings and events of my life. Each one must be expressed in positive terms, no matter how it hurts. My goal, to find a blessing for every date on the calendar. The purpose, a testimony of God's goodness throughout my life.
Week 2
My brain and fingers functioned and the rest of me laid low while I finished a project. Kids, Treadmill, juicing, supplement schedule filled my time as DH travelled. Bitter cold kept me inside (-32) for the most part. We did get out to church in a nearby town. How humbling and encouraging to learn these dear brothers and sisters in Christ had been praying for us. A visit with another cancer fighter brightened my week.
Week 3
Trusting Jesus as the storm around us continues to grow in intensity, trying to lay low and conserve energy for a special weekend ahead. Friends stopped by. What a precious celebration on Sabbath as two young ladies dear to our hearts committed their lives to Jesus. A blessed time together, we so enjoyed watching all the young people present, rejoicing with their friends and soaking up the time of fellowship.
Week 4
DH traveling from Big City so we went along to encourage and support Grandparents who face their own set of challenges. The intensity of the storm surrounding us grew even more this week, delaying our return to our mountain cabin, but God is faithfully by our side. Friday evening, peace descended, Sabbath came quietly, we rest. We know not what today or the future holds, but we trust all to Him who does. Tomorrow, the Lord willing, we return home.
The next two weeks:
February 25, a round of ancillary appointments.
March 5, I meet with Dr. G, the medical oncologist. It's a story, I'm not ready to share publicly yet. Treatment will start within a week of that visit.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Happy Sabbath
A quiet sabbath at home. DH took the whole crew around the mountains to fellowship today. These mornings are always early ones, they were out the door just after 6am. Their IM posts let me know they are nearing their destination.
Sunrise playing peek a boo with the clouds, soft harp music, a favorite cup of herb tea, two cats snoring in their favorite locations while I rest after seeing the family off. Quiet time with my Lord, lunch with a dear friend, notes to write, a few phone calls to make and sweet rest. It will be a full day!
On the medical front:
Recovery is going well, my 8" incision is healing up beautifully. Dr. H was not taking any chances with clean margins this time. When I saw her Thursday, she told me she had been asked by someone what she would say to me if she didn't have clean margins. She told them she would rather leave town than face me! I don't blame her. This has been tough on both of us.
Now that phase one is behind me, phase two looms ahead and as yet there is no total consensus on a treatment plan. Three medical oncologists, 3 opinions and they are all a little different. (It's much less stressful when you fit in a fairly standard bucket.) We have been praying this week for the Lord to go before us and make the path clear. It would be good to have a decision finalized this coming week as I will be ready physically for phase 2 around the 3rd week of February.
The negative side of the mental picture:
I don't get through a day without tears, (and I hate crying). It's not fear of the future (Christ conquered all! ), it's not WHY ME or poor me (that wastes time and energy), usually it's not physical pain, sometimes it's frustration, but most often it's stress at having our lives reconfigured by a 7mm nodule that shouldn't have been anything.
The positive side of the mental picture:
1. Rethinking ways we've done things in light of our new reality for this year. Tapping into incredible resources that God put in place before we ever knew we would need them.
2. A deeper ability to empathize with others who are going through severe experiences. I often sit in silent companionship, for there are no words to resolve or mask the pain.
3. Reconnecting with old friends and family in a meaningful way.
4. Meeting incredible new friends who are survivors and fighters against all odds. They inspire me.
5. Being reminded that my docs and providers are real people and having incredibly open and honest conversations with them about the road ahead, my concerns, and theirs too.
6. Being blessed by my incredible family and friends.
7. Learning new ways of working together as a family (um...that's a positive way of saying...we have our moments!)
So today, here are my prayer requests:
- A coworker of DH, who buried his wife this week after faithfully caring for her for the past two years. She had a massive stroke just before my surgery in 2012. They have a daughter about Rocket's age.
- a coworker of DH, whose father was admitted to hospice on Wednesday. DH was able to connect with him as we just went through that experience this past summer.
- my dear 10 year breast cancer survivor friend, who always radiates Florida sunshine. Three days after we last talked, She suffered a stroke and spent two weeks in ICU with life threatening complications. She is now in rehab and that is tough work!
- a sweet friend who just buried her stepfather.
- wisdom as we make care decisions in the week ahead.
- There are many more I could add and so could you.
I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who holds you and me in the palms of his nail scarred hands. Through the pain, hurt, anguish and upheaval that that ravage my life and yours, He is still our Comforter.
Be Thou exalted, O God, above the heavens; let thy glory be above all the earth! Ps 57:5
The sun is out. I shall go walking!
Happy Sabbath
Sunrise playing peek a boo with the clouds, soft harp music, a favorite cup of herb tea, two cats snoring in their favorite locations while I rest after seeing the family off. Quiet time with my Lord, lunch with a dear friend, notes to write, a few phone calls to make and sweet rest. It will be a full day!
On the medical front:
Recovery is going well, my 8" incision is healing up beautifully. Dr. H was not taking any chances with clean margins this time. When I saw her Thursday, she told me she had been asked by someone what she would say to me if she didn't have clean margins. She told them she would rather leave town than face me! I don't blame her. This has been tough on both of us.
Now that phase one is behind me, phase two looms ahead and as yet there is no total consensus on a treatment plan. Three medical oncologists, 3 opinions and they are all a little different. (It's much less stressful when you fit in a fairly standard bucket.) We have been praying this week for the Lord to go before us and make the path clear. It would be good to have a decision finalized this coming week as I will be ready physically for phase 2 around the 3rd week of February.
The negative side of the mental picture:
I don't get through a day without tears, (and I hate crying). It's not fear of the future (Christ conquered all! ), it's not WHY ME or poor me (that wastes time and energy), usually it's not physical pain, sometimes it's frustration, but most often it's stress at having our lives reconfigured by a 7mm nodule that shouldn't have been anything.
The positive side of the mental picture:
1. Rethinking ways we've done things in light of our new reality for this year. Tapping into incredible resources that God put in place before we ever knew we would need them.
2. A deeper ability to empathize with others who are going through severe experiences. I often sit in silent companionship, for there are no words to resolve or mask the pain.
3. Reconnecting with old friends and family in a meaningful way.
4. Meeting incredible new friends who are survivors and fighters against all odds. They inspire me.
5. Being reminded that my docs and providers are real people and having incredibly open and honest conversations with them about the road ahead, my concerns, and theirs too.
6. Being blessed by my incredible family and friends.
7. Learning new ways of working together as a family (um...that's a positive way of saying...we have our moments!)
So today, here are my prayer requests:
- A coworker of DH, who buried his wife this week after faithfully caring for her for the past two years. She had a massive stroke just before my surgery in 2012. They have a daughter about Rocket's age.
- a coworker of DH, whose father was admitted to hospice on Wednesday. DH was able to connect with him as we just went through that experience this past summer.
- my dear 10 year breast cancer survivor friend, who always radiates Florida sunshine. Three days after we last talked, She suffered a stroke and spent two weeks in ICU with life threatening complications. She is now in rehab and that is tough work!
- a sweet friend who just buried her stepfather.
- wisdom as we make care decisions in the week ahead.
- There are many more I could add and so could you.
I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who holds you and me in the palms of his nail scarred hands. Through the pain, hurt, anguish and upheaval that that ravage my life and yours, He is still our Comforter.
Be Thou exalted, O God, above the heavens; let thy glory be above all the earth! Ps 57:5
The sun is out. I shall go walking!
Happy Sabbath
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