The Musings of a Patient

It is difficult to describe my feelings to be back in a hospital setting after walking away from it 13 years ago this month. I left to learn the strategic importance of Legos from a three year old and the Lord has graciously taught me much more! I don't regret that decision even on the tough days. But, I remember enough to know a good environment when I meet one and to ask the strangest questions!

I had to check in early as radiology needed to start a procedure 1/2 hour before surgery. The genuine kindness of the staff and their good natured conversations with one another was fun to watch. I do believe at this point it was harder for DH to sit and watch everything they were doing to me. He is very protective regarding who touches me and why. The thoughts of what they were going to do was really hard for him. My only "allergies" are to needles and knives. I do not care for either and some of the places they were poking them wasn't very fun. Drs H and N, my surgeons, showed up at that early hour full of energy and ready to go. I'm thankful someone else is excited about getting rid of cancer too! It is nice when your docs love what they do and it shows. Too soon, DH kissed me good bye and I was wheeled down the long cold halls of OR. As they pushed open the door, it brought back a flood of memories. My first healthcare job at the age of 16 was cleaning operating rooms.

Dr. A was called in to administer anesthesia. He did an excellent job, when I awoke about 5 hours later,I didn't have a sore throat. It is a small blessing, but one I appreciate for sure! My last memory before fading to sleep was praying for DH and our precious children.

I awoke about 5 hours later, with my glasses on! Small things, but the staff remembered my saying that I hear better when I can see! They quickly moved me to a private room where DH was waiting for me. He says I was white as a sheet and very sleepy. I felt like my arms had been over the monkey bars with an elephant on my chest. Praise the Lord, I dealt with almost no nausea which allowed me to move to a more effective pain killer which I needed.

As I slowly came out of anesthesia, I realized why I had experienced that 36 hours of no peace prior to surgery. I could lay in my hospital bed feeling terrible and yet have total peace with my decision. The cancer is gone, we can rejoice, we can be thankful for my healthcare providers. There was no grief or pain over what was lost. Those decisions will be made later. And so, I spent my time in the hospital being thankful and rejoicing in the goodness of the Lord.

To say I slept well that night would be a lie. I rested and dozed as they were still monitoring me closely. About 4 am, the tears of relief just hit me. I couldn't stop crying, they were tears of gratitude for the goodness of God. DH held my hand and we cried together.
We have so much to be thankful for.

I'm naturally curious, if it doesn't involve blood and guts and my body. So for me to be interested in exactly what my two surgeons did is unusual. But God gave me the desire to know. That for me is a sign of true emotional healing, being ready to process what was done to me. I wanted to know what type of incisions and closures were used, because of my case, their normal procedures wouldn't work and I knew that up front. When Dr. H told me what had been done, I was so excited! Not ony did they do what needed to be done, but they did it in a creative way that will leave limited visual scarring long term. From my reading of normal procedures, they went above and beyond the call of duty. As a woman, I am grateful!

The two surgeons came bursting into my room Tuesday morning to check my incisions and discharge me. Talk about two high energy ladies in 4" heels. They were hilarious! If you've got to deal with something not so nice, it helps if your docs are cheerful!

We so appreciated the calls, emails and friends who stopped by. You blessed us more tha you will know. Just as we were ready to leave, a cancer sister called. Bless her, she'd spent 5 hours on my surgery day undergoing testing at the same facility to determine the extent of her cancer. She told me, she'd been thinking of me. We shared, we laughed and cried, we talked about decisions and the peace that only God can bring. It is different for each case. I pray format God will guide her decisions and I know he will as she is seeking his will.

DH took me home about 1 pm on Tuedsay. No, the ride up our road wasn't pleasant, but the 8" of fresh snow was beautiful and home with four kids was the best ever. Now for a better nights sleep!