Surgery update

Well my Dear Hubby's alarm went off at 3am yesterday morning. I just rolled over and groaned. He asked me what time my alarm was set for. I said 4 am. I figured I could get up and be ready to go in 30 minutes! Anyway, we did get up and were on the road by 4:15. I had time to leave a long list for each child and a note to say I loved them! We were in town an hour before I needed to report at the hospital. I decided we had enough time to do our Walmart run. The list was short, the store empty and I had great help. I love Walmart at 5:30 in the morning, go early, leave happy! So with that item off our list, I reported for surgery at 6:30. This time I was back at the hospital where my original red flag mammograms were done. It is the preferred facility for my plastic surgeon. I even had my favorite breast cancer survivor nurse to do my IV. She is 3 years post diagnosis and doing well. My regular nurse looked at my veins and said, I'm not touching you, you have little veins. I had warned her to avoid my hands. Every time they start IVs they want to start with my hands and they always have to restart and it's a pain. So this time, i just told them, they were off limits. They went higher and got it the first time and we were all happy. The anesthesia doc was a real character and Dr. N was in fine form as well. I was in surgery by 7:30 and started coming to about 10:30. This hospital even provides their patients with massages. That was nice. I was home about 2:30. I've had some pain, but only did 2 small pain doses yesterday and just regular Tylenol today. It just getting over the anesthesia feeling, so I'm sleepy and take naps willingly! The kids say I'm doing much better than when I came home after my first surgery. Because of the nipple reconstruction, I'm wearing nipple protectors for the next six weeks, you know, the kind we tried when we were nursing our kids. They are a challenge to get on with the surgical bra and they fill with drainage which can be a mess if I'm not careful. Hopefully the drainage will stop in a couple of days. Dr. N did revise my incisions some, but those I leave alone with steri strips until I see her in two weeks. Anyway,I know that it will look a lot better in 6 weeks than it did this morning! The house is quiet as DH and Cat Lover went on a business trip once I got home. We played a game last night and I helped Inventor with school. We also had a great teen discussion last night. It's such a joy to listen to their hearts! Today, it's cloudy and rainy, the perfect day to snuggle up with a blanket, a book and cat. Thanks to everyone for their prayers! I appreciate you so much!

Here I go Again

Well, May 30 is surgery day.  Supposedly it's scheduled for early morning.  Hopefully this procedure will be under 2 hours and since it's not horribly invasive like my January surgery, I  hope to be headed home by noon.  After visiting with the Physician's Assistant last week.  I know that I will have incision care for the next 6 weeks, but no drains and I probably won't need a lot of pain meds, there just aren't many nerves functioning in my breast skin any more.

Dr. N will do bilateral nipple reconstruction and tattoo the aerolas in as well.  She will also revise the incisions and remove the extra skin left after my last surgery.

So how do I feel almost 5 months post-op?  Pretty good most of the time!
*I still do not have the stamina that I did last fall.  My eyelids close just after 9pm usually and stay that way for a good 8 hours.
*I'm still timid or lack the chest wall strength to do heavy garden/lawn work that involves using chest muscles.
*My chest still feels strange.  It will never feel the same and at some point, my mind will hopefully adapt to the new normal.  With my mastectomy went all those estrogen receptors that created painful, swollen breasts every month.  So while there is no normal sensation in my chest, there also isn't the pain I used to live with.
*About the time we returned from our trip, I noticed the implants had started to settle and created a normal looking inframammary fold at the base of the breast. Dr. N. stitched this in at my mastectomy and it looked strange for the longest time.  The stitches have now dissolved and the results look and feel really good.

*That lymph node biopsy site is still pesky.  Women who undergo radical mastectomies or have to have large numbers of lymph nodes removed have my great respect!  It gets tight, sometimes there is slight swelling or just strange sensations.

Medical update

We returned home two weeks ago from a month long trip. It was nice to warm up a bit in the SW and see family and friends. The trip pushed my endurance at first, but I took advantage of a treadmill and the ability to walk outside without fear of falling. It was a great help. We so appreciated discovering how many people were praying for us, what a powerful blessing prayer is. Last week was my 12 week follow up appointment with the plastic surgeon Dr. N. I stopped by my oncologists office first as I'd found a lump under my left arm towards the end of our trip. I was pretty sure it was surgery trauma related, but since it was on the cancer side and I've been diagnosed. I reserve the right to be cautious. She checked it and did an ultrasound as well. It's a sernoma, a collection of blood and fluid as the result of surgery. Both of the docs feel it will go away on its own as its not infected. Dr. N is really happy with the results of my initial reconstruction. At this point, I have options. Do I want larger implants, do I need fat grafting to cover any wrinkles or dimples? Do I need incision revision. What about nipples and areola reconstruction? I looked at Dr. N and said, you are the artist, you tell me what you think I need to put my body into proportion. She decided that I need some incision revision and the nipple/areola cosmetic reconstruction. Hurrah! Nothing major. With surgery scheduled May 30th, I hope to be backpacking the end of June or early July! Now to lose that 10 pounds. I'd lost 4 before the trip. It came back...now I start over.

How doI describe it?

Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset swiftly fly the years One season following another laden with happiness and tears. Lately I find myself contemplating the seasons of marriage. This is a tough post to write, its taken a month for me to tackle the ideas and try to find words to express the thoughts. This is a rough draft! At the moment I find myself perched on a ridge in time. DH and I are processing in sickness and in health and savoring each extra day of life God has given me to be a wife and mother. On one side of the ridge I watch young people I dearly love seeking God's wisdom in their lives. Some are entering into relationships that will blossom into love and marriage. I remember when life was young, full of promise and marriage vows were spoken, words of commitment...yet untested by time and life circumstances. Then turning, I look in the other direction. Yes, there are those in my life who have faced or are currently facing that phrase, "until death do us part." whether you've been married 1 day or 60 years, those are tough words to speak when life doesn't turn out the way you dreamed or planned. We are dealing with in sickness and in health. I'm supposedly cancer free, BUT we know there is much more to being and staying cancer free than a clean pathology report. Endurance ...hmmm, that is one character trait necessary for a marriage to survive the peaks and valleys of the marriage vows. But it is only one. A marriage based strictly on commitment or endurance in which the love has died is is but an empty shell. We've seen those kinds of relationships, it's NOT what we want. One of the commitments we made at the start of this process was that we wanted to be drawn together, by God's grace, we are experiencing that. We are blessed.

Sabbath, a Day of Rest

Every cancer patient needs a break. Almost all health care providers acknowledge that cancer patients need to set aside dealing with cancer occasionally and just enjoy the blessings and fullness of life. For many, cancer is hard work and a full time job when recovering from major surgery or undergoing radiation or chemotherapy treatments.

If thou turn away thy foot from the sabbath, from doing thy pleasure on my holy day; and call the sabbath a delight, the holy of the LORD, honourable; and shalt honour him, not doing thine own ways, nor finding thine own pleasure, nor speaking thine own words:
Then shalt thou delight thyself in the LORD; and I will cause thee to ride upon the high places of the earth, and feed thee with the heritage of Jacob thy father: for the mouth of the LORD hath spoken it. Isaiah 58:13,14


Isaiah 58:13,14 is God's call to me to set aside my work of cancer treatment and recovery and delight myself in the Lord. Unlike most cancer patients, I don't need to grab mental downtime whenever I can, nor am I limited to an hour or two here or there. My Personal Physician prescribes 24 hours every week. It's called "Sabbath" and it begins Friday evening at sundown and closes Saturday evening at sunset. It is the best prescription for coping with cancer ever written. My Physician wrote the original prescription when he created this world.

Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them. And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made. And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made. Genesis 2:1-3

Early in this journey, the Lord impressed upon my heart that Sabbath was to be my day of rest from cancer. For us, those first eight weeks were difficult. I couldn't talk about what was going on without crying and I dislike crying. I had to intentionally take my cancer package and on Friday evening, put it on the top shelf of my mind with a sign that read "Do Not Touch!" That is so hard when your mind is swirling with treatment options, decisions to be made, what ifs, and the emotions of it all. God called to my heart,

Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Psalms 46:10-11

I praise the Lord for friends who knowingly or unknowingly helped us carefully guard the hours of the Sabbath and made it a delight! Those times of fellowship and spiritual refreshment are precious memories for our whole family. We still treasure our Sabbath times and do our best to put cancer and health issues on the shelf unless there is an urgent need to address those issues.
What about those Sabbaths when you are hurting or sick? When it's all you can do to breath and the pain is intense and you're dealing with the side effects of treatment. What do you do then? Christ longed to free those afflicted by disease. Read the story of Jesus healing the woman afflicted by disease for 18 years found Luke 13:10-17. He longs to heal us too!

You won't always be able to ignore cancer on Sabbath, there are physical needs which must be met. I learned that by caring for my physical needs and trying to be prepared before Sabbath allowed me to better focus on the spiritual and mental aspects of Sabbath. I chose to try spending portions of those Sabbaths reading God's Word until I fell asleep (yes, your body needs rest to heal). I enjoyed the occasional visitor as I was able and reveled in the quiet of a home stilled by the Sabbath rest. Beautiful soothing music or scriptures songs created an atmosphere of worship. Harpist playing her harp or the piano lifted my spirit heavenward more than she will ever know. Reading stories to Cat Lover and Rocket helped take my mind off my discomfort and drew our hearts closer together.

Depending on the intensity of your treatment, you may be unable to fellowship with others for extended periods of time. DVDs of your local church sermons or audio recordings may be a blessing. Try to get a friend to help you Skype in during a class or fellowship time if possible. I have a couple of dear friends with whom I started a conference call. We try to talk every couple of months or so. Fellowship is a blessing and you need it! On those really bad days, it may be all you can do to review portions of scripture you have memorized or have a family member or friend read the promises of God to you. Don't be afraid to start your prayer chain seeking God's direct intervention in your particular situation, there can be no better day for others to pray!

My Sabbaths are returning to normal rather quickly. But for those whose journey is much longer than mine. I pray specifically each week that you will experience the Sabbath blessings the Lord has for you.

Cancer Break

Well I'm enjoying my freedom for a few weeks and looking forward to our trip south. We spent part of this week with Grandparents and extended family a few hours away. When we returned, it seemed spring decided to show up early. Even our resident moose greeted us. Last evening Cat Lover stood on the garage roof and howled up a wolf pack. Yes, it seems they liked his deepening voice. We could distinctly hear their different voices answer his call from somewhere in our valley.

I was reminded to be careful this week as I managed to pull a muscle lying on my side reading a book. How's that for hurtingnyourself while doing nothing? It felt like one of my incisions totally burst open. We won't do that again for awhile. Scar tissue is now my medical issue, that pesky lymph node biopsy site needs to be stretched and massaged daily. It feels like the tissue is in knots. My cousin, who is a hand therapist, told me that scar tissue takes 2 years to mature. If I want those knots to go away, I'll be stretching and massaging for a long time. While one incision is in knots, the others are doing well. After a surgery like this, the tissue is very traumatized and swells, it is also very firm and not the soft natural feel you'd expect from breast tissue. Dr. N. told me the tissue would eventually soften and its finally starting to happen.

I also tried to schedule an appointment to see a physician regarding natural cancer therapies and followup. He called me back today and gave me the info I needed on the phone. Praise the Lord for Christian physicians who still consider themselves medical missionaries. We deeply appreciate his kindness.

Yes, I'm using this quiet time to further research my natural remedy options. If I was dealing with just the breast cancer it would be easier, but this is becoming a puzzle given my family history and a couple of other nagging issues. I pray for wisdom to identify the best course for me to pursue. That's the challenge of medical issues, you often can not see the full view of what needs to be addressed. But praise God, He does!

Living Breath by Breath

Recently I relistened to a message that always resets my image of God and who He is and where I live. (Louie Giglio, "How Great is Our God"). After hearing it twice in the space of a couple of weeks, the following insight dawned on me. Here is an excerpt of what I wrote and have shared with some of you who walk this road with me.

Is 40:27-31 is a promise that I specifically claim for those of us who walk this road called cancer. Just remember that whatever your life crisis, God's promise is for you, too.

"Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the LORD, and my judgment is passed over from my God? Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

I had always viewed that last verse as Christ's victorious promise of restoration at his second coming, when our wait will be over. But Louie explained that the Hebrew in this text gives the connotation that the renewal of strength is breath by breath.  My thoughts went to my own cancer experience and the experience of others whose journey is much more difficult. I realized that when you think you can't go on, God gives you strength to take that next breath (diagnosis)...
and the next one (telling family and friends)....
and the next one (emergency treatment or more tests)...
and the next one (making decisions)...
and the next one (surgery) ....
and the next one (recovery)...
And the next one (followup treatment, radiation, and chemo)...
And the next one (dealing with cancer mentally)
and the next one to live for him in spite everything that comes your way.  

This living, breath by painful breath, totally dependent on the strength of the Lord becomes a new song that we, marred by cancer, may sing each step of our unique journey for our Creator.